Jessica Mullen

Author: Jessica Mullen

Daily Meditation – Rest and Receive

March 1, 2023March 1, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

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Rest and Receive (transcript)
Breathe in and raise your vibration.
Breathe out and release your resistance.

Breathe in and raise your vibration.
Breathe out and release your resistance.

Relax your body.

Breathe in and open up to receiving.
Breathe out and let your worries go.

If you have a problem and you don't know how to solve it, remember you can always trust the process of life and you can get there by saying thank you.

Breathe in and say thank you.
Breathe out and say thank you and really mean it.

Remember this is your innocent super power. Yes, presence is your super power, but saying thank you is what will pull you out of a funk when you are trapped in feeling sorry for yourself.

Breathe in and say thank you.
Breathe out and say, "Thank you, thank you. I know it's happening in my favor."

When you're feeling sorry for yourself, when you have a problem, when you're in a situation that just doesn't seem like it's going to change and you feel like, "Why me?" You can pull yourself out right away with thank you.

Breathing in, thank you.
Breathing out, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Whatever happens, you can trust it. And when you say thank you in response to the things that upset you, you are so powerful, nothing can touch you. This is what it means to say, “Absolutely nothing can resist a completely non-resistant person.” If you say thank you to everything that bothers you, you keep the upper hand, you are always flying high, you are the one who feels good regardless of the circumstances. You know that whatever is handed to you is what God wants for you. You know that whatever you receive is happening in your favor and you know that it's all working out for you. You know this already and if you ever get stuck feeling like the world is against you or you're stuck in a situation and you don't know how to solve it, just say thank you and feel that feeling in your heart of genuine gratitude.

Breathing in, thank you.
Breathing out, thank you, thank you.

Let yourself be innocent and let yourself receive. You might push away your blessings because you feel guilty or you feel like it'll make someone else jealous if you receive. But that blessing is for you. You deserve it. Open your arms. Receive what God is giving to you today. Allow it. Let it come. You deserve it. You don't have to feel guilty anymore. All of history, of everything ever led up to the circumstances where you get to receive. Let yourself enjoy it. It's going to happen either way.

Breathing in, thank you.
Breathing out, thank you.

You don't have to feel guilty anymore. You deserve the good fortune. You deserve the blessings. You've worked your ass off to get here. You have put in the time. Allow yourself to enjoy it. You've been human for so long. It hasn't been too easy, but now you deserve to rest and receive. And all you have to do to open the floodgates is say thank you and really feel it.

Breathing in, thank you, thank you.
Breathing out, thank you, thank you.

I know it's in my favor. Thank you, thank you.

Daily Meditation – Nothing Will Disturb You Today

February 27, 2023February 27, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

Nothing Will Disturb You Today (transcript)
Breathe in and raise your vibration.
Breathe out and release your resistance.

Breathe in and raise your vibration.
Breathe out and release your resistance.

Relax your body.

Breathe in and slow down.
Breathe out and keep relaxing your body.

You're in the right place at the right time. You're doing everything right. Everything is perfect and in its place. You can relax now.

Breathe in and say I.
Breathe out and say am.

Today as you go about your day, becomes so rooted in your sense of being that no one's absence can make you feel empty. No one's presence can make you feel agitated. Stick to the I am and nothing will disturb you today.

Breathing in, I.
Breathing out, am.

I
am.

Get into this rhythm with every breath in: I.
With every breath out, am.

Over and over with every breath. Fall into the rhythm of life. Feel your sense of being. Let your problems solve themselves. Only your thoughts can make you feel bad. Today rest in the "I am." Let it pull you into the infinite.

Breathing in, "I."
Breathing out, "am."

Rest in the sense of being. And whenever a problem comes to you, whenever you start worrying or wondering or wishing for change, just ask yourself, "To whom do these thoughts come?"

Breathe in and ask, "To whom do these thoughts come?"
Breathe out and answer.

To me, they come to me. I am thinking them. Well, who am I? Who is I? What is the source of I? By the time you get to the question, what is the source of I? You can feel your attention turn around to look at itself, sinking back into your heart, back into the infinite.

Breathe in and dissolve the personal I.
Breathe out and become rooted in your sense of being, where there are no problems, where everything is fun and there's nothing to worry about.

You're God and God has no problems.

Breathing in, I
Breathing out, am

I
am

Feel how much calmer you feel. Feel the rhythm of life pulse through you. Life is so much simpler than your thoughts make you think. God will take care of the problems. Life's working on it. Your thoughts just get in the way. God doesn't need your help. Allow yourself to simply rest in your sense of being and let God take care of it.

Breathe in and be an innocent child of God.
Breathe out and be God itself.

Life itself, universal intelligence itself, whatever you want to call it. Oneness, non-duality. Allow yourself to rest in presence in the "I am”—the thing we all have in common and your problems will work themselves out. Today, become so rooted in your sense of being that no one's presence can disturb you and no one's absence can make you feel empty. You are full. You are one with God, one with life.

Breathing in, I
Breathing out, am

I
am

i am the source

February 26, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

watch yourself sit here and wonder if you're going to skip this track. watch yourself feel hungry. watch yourself want to rush. watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself feel tense in your side. watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself remind yourself,

to whom do these thoughts come?
they come to me
they come to me
who is me? i am me. i am. who am i? what is the source of i? where is the i coming from?
where is the i coming from
it comes from me
who is me
i am
who am i?

where is the i coming from?
the i is coming from within the house

the i is coming from nowhere
the answer is nowhere
nothing
the infinite

the black field of nothing

who am i? i am

breathing in i i i i i
breathing out am am am am am

always remember the point is to stop thinking completely

i am saying yes to what is
yes i am writing even though it is a thought thing and i want to stop thinking completely but i know it always makes me feel better even though i already feel pretty good

yes my feet are falling asleep. yes i am wondering what will happen today. to whom do these thoughts come? they come to me. who is me? i am. who am i? who is i? where is this i? where is this i?

i
am

i am

i am just being
just being here
i want to finish because i'm hungry
the i is hungry
the i wants to rush through this

i
am

i am

i am here
who am i
i am
i am
i exist
i am here
who am i? i am

thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you

i am here i am here i am here i am here i am here

i a
m

who am i?
am i aware? am i aware?
am i aware? am i aware? am i aware? yes i am aware of being here
i am aware
i am aware
who am i ?
i am
i am here
i am this
i am this
there is only this
you are that!

thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you for making this writing meaningful instead of rushing through it. thank yo ugod for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you.

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

to whom do these thoughts about hunger come? they come to me
they come to me
they come to me
they come to me
who is me?
i am
who am i? who is i?
what is right here witnessing, seeing
who is i?
the center
the point

to whom do these thoughts come? they come to me i am thinking them the thoughts come to me
who is me? who is me? who is the me who is thinking the thoughts?
i am. who am i? who is i? what is the i thinking the thoughts?

the i is thinking thoughts the i is thinking thoughts
i am not the i
i see the i
i am
i am the presence
i am the one
i am the center the middle the center of gravity
i am the point
the point is i am

to whom do these thoughts come?
they come to me. the person sitting here. who is the person sitting here? i am. who is i?
who is the i that the is me?
who is the i? who is the i?
the i is me. who am i? the center
the individual point of awareness
hwo am i?
am i aware?

yes i am aware. but who is the i that is aware? who is i?
who am I>

who am i?
who is i?
where is the i coming from ? what is the source of the i?
nothing
the blank substratum
the knowing
the awareness
the seeing
the knowing

who am i? am i aware?
to whom do these thoughts come? they come to me. who is me? me is me. me is i. who am i? who is i? who is the i?

the i is in the center.
the i is still.
the i is motio ncoming from the stillness

to whom do these thoughts come?

they come to me. who is me?
who is me htinking the thoughts?
who is thinking the thoughts?
me i am thinking the thoughts

who is me
who am i? who am i? who is the i that the thoughts are coming to?
who is the i thinking the thoughts?

the center
the middle
the source
the source is thinking the thoughts

the source
is not the thoughts
the thoughts come from the source

to whom do these thoughts come?
to me. they come to me. who is me? who am i? who am I?
who am I? who am I? who am I? who am I/

i am

breathing in i
breathing out am

wh oam i? who am? who am I>

i am
i exist
just the existence
the i am is the existence

who am i

to whom do these thoughts come?
they come to me
they come to me they come to me
who is me who is me
who is me
who is me
who is me
who is me
who is me
who is me
i am who am i
who am i who am i who am i who am i who am i???

who am I?
just the being here
the being

who am i?
i am
the name of god

to whom do these thoughts come?
they come to me. who is me? i am. who am i?
what is the source of i?
i am
i am the source

the point is to stop thinking completely

February 25, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

watch yourself sit here and remind yourself, the point is to stop thinking completely. watch yourself wonder what will happen. watch yourself feel tense in the guts. watch yourself feel helpless to take action. watch yourself wonder. watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself feel insecure. watch yourself want to cry. watch yourself want change. watch yourself want attention. watch yourself forgetting you are the source. watch yourself be identified with thoughts and forms. watch yourself feel attached. watch yourself want to feel better or free or something. watch yourself want to feel better. watch yourself want to remember to do the I AM meditation.

watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself feel anxious. remember the point is to stop thinking completely! watch yourself breathe out and feel tension in your back. watch yourself surrender and not really care what happens. watch yourself want to feel the pleasure and bliss of presence. watch yourself wish you knew what art to make. watch yourself wish you were doing something else. watch yourself sit here. watch yourself wish you remembered your dreams.

do you think it's noble to wish for something that isn't?

watch yourself remember to say THANK YOU I KNOW IT'S HAPPENING IN MY FAVOR. i know it's in my favor. watch yourself remind yourself, berate yourself, SAY THANK YOU. flip the switch with thank you. flip the switch with thank you. thank you.

thank you god for replacing me with you. when i don't know what to do. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you.

thank you for the solutions and answers. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you.

thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you for helping me stabilize as i am. thank you for the magick life and miracles. thank you for helping me stay sober today. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you for the perfect timing.

thank you for helping me see it's all in my favor. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you.

thank you for the magick life. thank you for the pure awareness i am.

simply identify as effortless, choiceless, pure awareness. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you.

i
am

who am i who is struggling? who am i who is wondering? what is the source of i?

who am i who is sitting in this chair
who am i who is strugglign
who am i who is having trouble getting in the good mood. who am i ? who am i?

the i feels rejected
the i feels slighted
the i feels ignored the i is taking it personally the i feels like not enough or maybe too much the i thinks the world revolves around it

the i wants to get numb the i wants to forget the i wants to escape and get the fuck out of here the i is attached and the i is in pain

who am i who is in pain
who am i who is attached
who am i??

breathing in i
breathing out am

i
am

i am choosing to turn the boat, to flip the switch with thank you.
i trust it's in my favor! i trust it's in my favor!

i trust it's in my favor. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you for helping me stay sober today. thank you for the magick life and miracles and good food. thank you for helping me stabilize as i am and go within and be the source. thank you for helping me remember to be the source.

how do i be the source>

by asking
am i aware
or saying
thank you
or staying focused on the name of god
i am

or look for the source of i
Iiiiiiiii ammmmmmmm

i am choosing to focus on thank you i am choosing to focus on the name of god i am choosing to be the source and stop looking outside of myself for satisfaction and fulfillment

i am choosing to feel better. i am choosing to be the source

thank you! thank you god for replacing me with you! thank you for the magick life! thank you for the pure awareness i am! Thank you for helping me simply identify as effortless, choiceless pure awareness! thank you god for replacing me with you! thank you for helping me stay sober today! thank you for the solutions and miracles! Thank you for the love yeah love! Thank you for the perfect timing! thank you for the love! thank you for the peace! thank you for helping me remember i am the source! Thank you for helping me make my best work! thank you for helping me transmute the pain into art! thank you for helping me stabilize as i am! thank you god for replacing me with you! thank you god for replacing me with you1

wake up! i am choosing to wake up i am choosing to wake up right now
i am focused on the name of god
i am focused on teh presence of god

I AM

breathing in i
breathing out am

breathing in i
breathing out am
i exist

breathing in i
breathing out am i am here i am here i am here i am here i exist

breathing in i
breathing out am i exist i am here i exist i am here i am here

i surrender
i surrender to i am
thank you i am

Daily Meditation – Give Up the Burden

February 24, 2023February 24, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

Give Up the Burden (transcript)
Breathe in and raise your vibration.
Breathe out and release your resistance.

Breathe in and raise your vibration.
Breathe out and release your resistance.

Relax your body.

Breathe in and step into this present moment.
Breathe out and surrender your thoughts.

Surrender your worries. Give them all to God. Here God, this is your burden. I'm not worrying anymore.

Breathe in and say "I."
Breathe out and say "Am."

I
am.

This is how you keep your attention on God instead of problems and thoughts. Only your thoughts make you feel bad. Only your thoughts make you suffer. Today, instead of keeping your attention tied up in thoughts and problems and worries, rest your attention on the name of God, "I am." I am is your sense of being. I am is pure awareness. I am is who you really are.

Breathing in, I.
Breathing out, am.

I
am.

As soon as you notice yourself worrying about a problem, go back to the I am meditation. Connect it with your breath and let it relax you and solve your problems for you. It's so easy. Just give up the burden to God.

Breathing in, I.
Breathing out, am.

I
am.

Do this over and over and over. Take the time to sit down and say, "I am." Feel how relaxed you become. Feel how you start feeling good no matter what's going on in your life. Feel how you're identified with God instead of problems. God has no problems.

Breathing in, I.
Breathing out, am.

I
am.

Let this calm you down and reveal your natural peace and happiness and abundance. Instead of thinking or worrying about problems, choose "I am." Choose to rest your attention on God itself.

Breathing in, I
Breathing out, am.

I
am.

And if problems still come to you, if you're still worried, if thoughts come to your mind, you simply say, "To whom do these thoughts arise? To whom do these thoughts come?"

Breathe in and inquire, "To whom do these thoughts come?"
Breathe out and look for the answer.

They come to me. Well, who is me? I am. Who am I? What is the source of I? And follow the I back into your heart. See how the small personal I that has problems can dissolve into the infinite I, pure awareness.

Breathing in, I.
Breathing out, am.

All of your problems—they're just thoughts. And before all those thoughts is the “I” thought. “I want this. I have this problem. I feel like this.” But that I thought is also just a thought. And when you investigate, who am I, you see, you aren't really the I thought. And it's the I thought that has the problems. Not you—you’re pure awareness, you’re God, you're the witness, you don't have those problems, it's just the I thought. It's temporary, fleeting, passing right now.

Breathing in, I.
Breathing out, am.

Identify as God, with God. Allow yourself to surrender your thoughts and rest as I am. Your problems will solve themselves and you'll see life already is the way you want it to be.

Breathing in, I.
Breathing out, am.

I am.

smooth already

February 24, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

who am i who is sitting in this chair
i am choosing
to focus on the truth the reality the knowing
i am the source
i am choosing to be the source
i am the source
i know i am the source

to whom are these thoughts coming? they come to me. who is me? i am me. i am. who am i?

i am
i am
i am

i am choosing to feel better, to feel light

i am choosing the flow. to be the source. to be with the path lighting up. i am choosing the magick. i am choosing the magick life. i am choosing the magick life.

who am i who is choosing the magick life? to whom do these thoughts come?
they come to me. they are coming to me. the thoughts come to me. they come to me.

the thoughts come to me. they are coming to me. they are coming to me.
who am i? who am i? who am i who is thinking about the future/ who am i who is wondering what will happen? who am i who is wondering what will happen? who am i who is wondering what will happen? who am i who is wondering what happens?

who am i who is second guessing every word "I" say?
who is the i who is second guessing every word?

the i is feeling insecure. the i is second guessing the i is wondering what will happen the i is wondering. the i is wondering what will happen. the i is wondering what the fuck will happen. the i is wondering what will happen. the i is wondering what will happen. the i is wondering what will happen.

thank you god for replacing me with you
i can surrender.
the music sounds so good
the music sounds so good
i am here
i am here
i am here
i am here
who am i
i am
who am i
i am
who am i
i am

to whom do these thoughts come? they come to me. who is me? i am. i am me. who am i? where does the i come from? what is the source of i?

what is the source of i?
what is i am?
who am i?
who am i?

i
am

i am choosing to focus on the i am

i am choosing to love and feel love
i am choosing to reject every thought
i am choosing to reject every thought
and just ask to whom do these thoughts come?

to whom do these thoughts come?
to whom do these thoughts come?
to whom do these thoughts come?

to me they come to me they come to me they come to me
who am i who is me who am i
who am i
what is the source of the i
where is the i coming from
who am i
who am i
who am i
who am i
who am i
who am i

i am

breathing in i
breathing out am

the i is spacing out the i is getting quieter the i is wanting to worry about money but the i is lazy today, not too much to worry about

the i is sitting here
who am i who is sitting here?
who am i who is sitting here?

who am i who is sitting here waiting for the thing to happen?
who am i who is sitting here? who am i who is sitting here?

who am i who is thinking about the future?
the i is thinking about the future, wondering what will happen
the i is wondering what other people will think
the i wants to control and make sure everything is smooth

but when I AM
everything is smooth already
the i doesn't have to work to smooth it out

the i wants everything to be smooth
the i wants everything smooth
but it just makes more scabs

when I AM
everything already is smooth

smooth already

who am i who is in love? who am i who is thinking about other people, forgetting i'm the source?
who am i who is forgetting?
the i is forgetting
the i wants me to forget
who is me?
who is the source of me?
what is the source of these thoughts? what is the source of I?

who am i?
who am i?
who am I?

who am i?
where does the i come from?
where is the i coming from?
who am i?
i am love
i am love yeah love
that's it and that's all

who am i who is sitting here? who am i who is not suffering?
i am
i am the i am
i am that i am
i am always i am!
i exist
i am here

am i aware?
am i aware? yes i am aware i am aware i am aware
who am i? who am i? i am here
i am without words
i exist
knowing
there is only knowing, love, peace

who am i who is sitting in this chair?
who am i who is thinking?
who am i who is hearing the phone ring? who am i who is missing the cats?
nobody the answer is nobody
the i is missing the cats
the i is a thought
the cats are a thought

who am i who is sitting here, maybe hungry?
no one here

i am choiceless effortless pure awareness
choiceless effortless pure awareness
i don't need to think of things to do
the body knows what to do
the body is the intelligence
don't let the thoughts get in the way of what the body is here to do

who am i who is thinking about the body/
who am i who has thoughts?

who am i who is here? who am i who is here? who am i who is here?
who is here?
just the awareness
just the awareness
the seeing
the knowing
just being
just being is here

who am i?!?!??!

February 23, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

who am i who is sitting here
who am i who is replaying the past who am i who is replaying the past
mining for god mining for gold i meant to say
who am i mining for god
looking for worth in the past
who am i who am i who am i who am i who am i

who am i who is sitting here
thinking about idiosynchracies
things that don't line up
who am i who is sitting here who am i who is sitting here who am i who is sitting here who am i who is sitting here
who am i who is judging who is feeling cut off
what is this cycle

who am i who is feeling stressed and strained who am i who is feeling stressed and strained who am i who is feeling stressed and strained
who am i who is sitting here
just tell myself
stop thinking
it's that simple
it's that simple
it's that simple
stop thinking

who am i who is sitting here
who am i who is sitting here
wondering what someone else thinks
who am i who cares what someone else thinks
when i am the projector
i am the creator
i am the source

who am i who is the source
who am i
who am i
who am i
the answer is silence emptiness nothing nobody i don't know

who am i who is the source
who am i who is just copying the past
who am i who wants to feel energized
who am i who feels anxious

who am i who feels betrayed
who am i who feels betrayed
looking to the outside to tell me what to do

looking to the outside looking to the outside like that will change me

looking outside
who am i who is looking for attention
who is looking for validation approval
who is looking for love and acceptance
who am i who is looking for love and acceptance
who am i who is looking for love and acceptance
who am i who is still seeking connection and love
who am i who is seeking
who am i who is seeking
who am i who is seeking
who am i who is seeking

who am i who is rerunning the past
who am i who is rerunning the past
who am i who is rerunning the past
who am i who is rerunning the past
who am i who is rerunning the past
who am i who is rerunning the past
who am i who is wading through the past

who am i who is trying to figure it out
who am i
no one nothing there is nothing fucking there
who am i who is here
noone
like vertigo suddenly looking down and realizing there is no floor and i'm just floating here
not gonna fall but
there's nothing to stand on

who am i who is sitting at this desk
there's no one here
who am i who is sitting at this desk
i don't see anyone here
there is more big than i realized
bigger that i thought
bigger

who am i who wants to be special
everyone can be special
but i want to be special
i want to be treated special
the same i that gets jealous when others are treated special

who am i who cares
who am i who cares
who am i who is affected
who am i who has feelings to get hurt
who am i who gets hurt feelings
who am i who gets hurt feelings
who am i who gets hurt feelings
who feels excluded
and used
who am i who gets hurt
who am i who gets hurt
who am i who takes it personally
who am i who gets hurt
who is the i that gets hurt
who is the i that wants to be in love
who is the i who wants higher higher higher highs
who am i who wants to be high
who am i
who am i who is here
nothing here
there's no one there
once i realized the answer really is nothing it's been way easier to get there
i can get there easily i thought it was a bad thing
who am i
nothing noone
just whatever is looking out right now

just the looking outjust the looking
just the looking

who am i
just looking
just watching
just seeing
who am i
seeing
perceiving
knowing
witnessing
being
existing
who am
i

can you answer it is the space
who am i who gets my feelings hurt
there's only space in there, what feelings? there's too much space to focus on such a small grain of sand
like feelings
it's all grains of sand

who am i who is worried about the body
who am i who is worried who am i who is worried who am i who is worried who am i who is worried who am i who is worried
who am i who is wondering if i made the wrong choice
who am i who is wondering
who am i who wonders
who is the i who wonders
who am i who wonders
who am i who wonders
who am i who wonders
who am i who has to shut it off
who has to close the hole before it gets ripped wide open
it could rip wide open right now
it could rip wide open this second

who am i who is sitting here
who am i who is replaying conversations
who am i who is offended
who am i who feels used
who am i who wants to feel so useful in the first place??? make yourself useful, get used!!!!!!!!!!
that's what i should have said to him all those years

make yourself useful
get used bro!

who am i who is sitting here
just a space
just a receiver
just a recipient
just a point in a wave

who am i who is wondering
it feels like so much space
blurring with dreams
who am i who is wondering
who am i who is wondering
who am i who is wondering
who am i who is worried about the future
who am i who is worried about the future
who am i who is worried about the future
who am i who is worried about the future
who am i who is worried

who me, worry?
who is me?
there is no me
no one to worry
no worries

should the i do something

February 23, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

watch yourself sit here and wonder watch yourself tell yourself you dont need to think anymore watch yourself wonder why you put this song on its a little distracting watch yourself decide not to use punctuation so nothing can stop you from writing because you are a flight risk watch yourself be a flight risk
what does it mean to be a flight risk
it means i am at risk of eating my feelings or acting impulsively or self destructively because i have feelings i don't know what to do with well what are you feeling?
mostly bored
but also depressed and sad and dread
feeling like life is dragging on and its boring yet i should do something i feel kind of useless and unmotivated and uninspired and i am disappointed because its the 11th day of my cycle and i should feel more high energy than this and i want to take a pill or something to get energy but im too lazy to do that because i think its unfair that i should have to augment my experience just to go through the motions
i am tired of going through the motions
of eating and exercising and waiting
tired of waiting
for success for attention for inspiration
i am tired of waiting for something to happen for the money to come for something to happen for the world to end for natural disaster or man made disaster to make something change i am tired of waiting for something to change i am tired of thinking

ok so it is the i that is tired
the i is tired of waiting for something to happen
i can feel the love under
the i can feel the love underneath? the i is just waiting for something to happen the i is skipping through songs waiting for something to hit
nothing in reality
i mean the changing world is hitting
i dont really want anything or for anything to change
i mean i dont have specific desires i dont need anything the rent isnt due today i feel fine in my body today my relationships are fine i dont need anything to change
but i feel like crying
because im bored? because theres nothing to distract me? no crisis to make me present?
im a little hungry

the i is a little hungry the i is sighing heavily and trying to stop tensing the shoulders the i feels depressed because there is nothing exciting happening nothing to look forward to the i is bored and sad and depressed but everything is fine other than it is way too hot in this room to be wearing 2 pairs of pants and fleece
i should open the door more but i dont want to pull my hands away from the keyboard for fear i wont come back

the i is bored the i is hot the i is waiting for something to happen the i is waiting for something to change

but i know i am pure effortless choiceless awareness but i dont know how to stay there
the i says it doesnt know how to stay there why does the i keep coming

supposed to just watch and observe and not react
the i is observing a little hunger, a lot of boredom, a lot of tired of the same old shit, tired of february, the i always gets depressed in february
and then it drags on til may

the i is dreading the i is dreading these months the i feels tired of trying to keep all the balls in the air
the i is tired of the balancing game and wants the magick back
the i just wants the magick back
the i thinks it made the magick

is the i ovulating or something today because this existential dread is a bit much
the i knows it should identify as pure awareness
the pure awareness is watching this happen
the i just wants to be in a good mood why isnt the i in a good mood
the i wants to know what to do it wants to act it wants to work but doesnt know what to work on the i is noticing the imprint of grime on the screen frmo the keyboard

the i is hungry the i is depressed the i is moving in slow motion the i wants to feel better the i wants to be high the i wants to go DO SOMETHING the i is bored the i wants change the i wants good things to happen

but even if something good happened would the i even feel anything the i feels so dead
is it because the pure choiceless effortless awareness is taking over/

the i is bored the i wants to get things over with it wants to do the hard shit and get it over with get this workout overwith

the i wants to get it all over with so it can what, relax? is that what the i wants?

who cares what the i wants it doesn't matter
everything just seems so pointless
so might as well just enjoy it but how to enjoy it
stop thinking
never forget the point is to stop thinking
so what should i do to stopthinkgin

the options are
am i aware
i am
who am i
thank you god for replacing me with you
pure awareness i am
effortless, choiceless pure awareness
i am effortless, choiceless pure awareness
i i i

the i is way too hot in here there are way too many pants the i is hungry wtf is the i goign to eat before this class
the i is dreading and dragging the i is dreading and dragging the i is dreading and dragging

ok so this is seen i know it isn't the real me but still there is much discomfort much boredom much resistance
i am resisting the i is resisting what is
what is
boring no motion no good news nothing good hapepning
nothing bad happening either other than the dread of having to go through the pain of this work out

Daily Meditation – Go Through the Portal

February 22, 2023February 22, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

Go Through the Portal (transcript)
Breathe in and raise your vibration.
Breathe out and release your resistance.

Breathe in and raise your vibration.
Breathe out and release your resistance.

Remember you are the source of your experience.

Breathe in and smile because that's your power.
Breathe out and direct your experience by simply resting as you are.

Breathe in and lighten up. Life is not serious.
Breathe out and surrender your preferences.

We're just here for fun. It's safe to relax now. Step into your power by getting some distance from your thoughts and preferences right now.

Breathe in and ask yourself, to whom do these thoughts come?
Breathe out and listen for the answer. To me, thoughts I think come to me.

Breathe in and ask, "Who is me?"
Breathe out and listen for that answer. I am.

Well, who is I? Who am I?

Breathe in and ask yourself, "Who am I?"
Breathe out and look for the answer. Who am I? I.

What is the source of I? Where does it come from?

Breathe in and look, who am I?
Breathe out and follow the I thought to the source.

Feel yourself think I, I. You can feel the I rising. I, I. Where is the source of the I? What is the source of that eye thought? Repeat the letter "I" over and over and watch where it comes from.

Breathing in "I". "I".
Breathing out "I". "I".

Follow the "I" back to the source. It's your heart center. You can dissolve your personal "I" into the universal oneness, the big I, simply by following the eye back to the source.

Breathe in and follow "I" back to the source.
Breathe out and feel your small personal I dissolving into the infinite I.

Look around you right now. Everything you see, everything you perceive, is you. It's all awareness. It's all consciousness. It's all the big I, the universal I. Everything you see is I.

Breathe in and dissolve the personal I.
Breathe out and merge with everything. All that is, all consciousness, all awareness, the big I, capital I, the God, I, that's you.

Breathe in and liberate yourself today.
Breathe out and know it's so simple.

You're just freeing yourself from thoughts. Thoughts are the only thing that make you feel bad. They make you feel like you're a person with responsibilities and consequences. It's all just a thought.

Breathe in and follow the eye back to your heart center.
Breathe out and dissolve the personal I into the universal I.

Then you spread out and become everything and you see how it's all you and nothing can hurt you and you were never born and you're never going to die.

Breathe in and ask to whom do these thoughts come?
Breathe out and listen for that answer.

They are coming to me.

Breathe in and ask, who's me? What's me?
Breathe out and feel that answer.

I am.

Well, breathe in and ask, who am I?
Breathe out and feel that answer. I. I.

Who am I? Who is I? What is I? It's just a thought arising and you can watch it rise by repeating I, I, I. Watch where it comes from. Watch that source of I. That's the infinite. That's the portal.

Breathe in and go through the portal.
Breathe out and dissolve the personal I into the universal I and merge with everything.

See how life already is the way you want it to be. See how you are God and everything is perfect and in its place.

Breathe in and ask, to whom do these thoughts come.
Breathe out and feel your attention turn around to look at itself.

The thoughts come to me.

Breathe in and inquire who's me?
Breathe out and listen for that answer. I am.

Feel your attention returning to center over and over. It's getting easier to step away from your thoughts back into the present moment where everything is fun and there's nothing to worry about. No matter what happens, because your personal I is dissolved into the infinite. And you see how everything is you. There is no right or wrong or good or bad.

Breathe in and see only love and consciousness.
Breathe out and be only love and consciousness.

Allow yourself to dissolve into the infinite by inquiring to who the thoughts come to. Turn your attention back around on itself and see you are the source and when you rest your attention on the source, the miracles flow and everything happens in your favor.

Breathe in and ask to whom do these thoughts come?
Breathe out and answer. They come to me.

Breathe in and look, who is me?
Breathe out and answer. I am. I am me.

Breathe in ask, "Well, who am I?"
Breathe out and go within.

There is no answer in words to the question, "Who am I?" But if you keep asking and watching that I arise, you will merge with the source and then you will know who you are and you won't have to think about it or talk about it, you will simply be.

Breathe in and have the best day of your life.
Breathe out and let it all come to you.

effortless choiceless pure awareness

February 22, 2023
by Jessica Mullen

yes i am sitting in this chair. yes i am breathing out. yes i am breathing in. yes i am breathing in. yes i am breathing out. yes i am breathing out. yes i am sitting here. yes i am breathing out. yes i am overwhelmed. yes i am breathing out. yes i am hungry. yes i am wondering what my next meal will be. yes i am breathing out. yes i feel a pain in my side. yes i am breathing out. yes i am breathing in. yes i am wondering how best to spend my time. yes i am breathing out. yes i am breathing in. yes i am sitting in this chair. yes i am wondering what will happen. yes i want to trust it's all happening in my favor. yes i am breathing in. yes i am breathing out. yes my body is sore. yes i am wondering what we're going to eat. yes i am breathing out. yes i am breathing in. yes i am sitting in this chair. yes i am sitting in this chair. yes i am sitting in this chair wondering what will happen. yes i am feeling irritable and even more irritated that i feel irritable. yes i am trying to remember i am not the i.

the i feels irritable. the i feels overwhelmed. the i feels sore. the i is wondering what will happen. the i is annoyed. the i is annoyed. the i is annoyed because the i thinks there is nothing to look forward to. the i is frustrated. the i is overwhelmed and disgusted. the i wants to know what will feel better. the i is wondering what will feel better. the i wants more coffee. the i wants to be more alert and ready for anything the i wants to feel good and intrigued and curious. the i is sick of february. the i is worried about money. the i is worried about paying the bills and rent. the i is worried about not feeling passion or interest.

the i is breathing in. the i is breathing out.
i am effortless choiceless pure awareness

the real i is effortless choiceless pure awareness. the real i is effortless choiceless pure awareness.

the i is worried about what other people think. the i is worried about being too pushy or involved. the i is worrying. the i is concerned with what other people think. the i is concerned with not imposing. not being an imposition. the i is worried about being too much. the i is worried about being over the top. too pushy. too much. the i is worried it is too much. the i is worried is is too much.

the i has sore arms. the i has a sore back. the i wants new music to listen to. the i wants to complain. the i thinks nothing will make it feel better. the i is wondering if it gets to drink more coffee before we go. the i is wondering what will happen. the i is wondering if it will make a mistake or be humiliated. the i is wondering what the fuck. the i is concerned. the i is worried. the i is fearful. the i is hungry. the i wants to be comforted. the i wants pleasure and comfort. the i wants to feel stable. the i wants to feel good.

the i is checking emails and bills and still thinking about more coffee. the i is breathing in. the i is breathing out. the i is listening to bad bunny and wishing there was more. the i feels there is not enough.

the real i is effortless, choiceless pure awareness. effortless, choiceless, pure awareness.

the i just wants to be comforted. the i wants to feel better and not feel so depressed. the i feels depressed and doesn't even know why. the i wants to be high. the i wants to escape. the i wants to black out.

the i is breathing out. the i is breathing in. the i is sitting here. the i is sitting here. the i is sitting here wondering if it did the right thing. wondering if it did the right thing. wondering if it did the right thing.

the i is remembering to say thank you because it's all happening in its favor. the i is wondering what it will do today. the i is wondering how it will prove its worth today. the i is wondering how it will make money today. the i is wondering how it will have a good idea when it feels so unwelcome. the i feels unwelcome. the i feels unwelcome. the i feels unwelcome. the i feels unwelcome. the i feels unwelcome and crabby. the i feels unwelcome and crabby. the i wants lunch meat and there isn't any more. the i feels tired and depressed. the i feels empty and hollow. the i feels empty. the i wants to transcend.

the i is sitting here.

to whom do all these thoughts come? they come to me. who is me? i am.
who am i? who am i?
who am i who is noticing these thoughts? who am i who thinks this is hard? who am i who can't stop thinking? who am i who is having trouble? the trouble is coming to who? to who is the trouble coming?
it's coming to me. who is me?
who am i?

who am i?
who am i?
who am I?
who am i ?
who am I?

i am pure choiceless effortless awareness
pure awareness
effortless choiceless pure awareness
effortless choiceless pure awareness
effortless choiceless pure awareness

it's just conditioning playing out
but the i feels so involved in it today
the i just wants to be alone
to disappear

i
am

who am i?
i am

am i aware?
yes i am aware
i am aware of the presence of god
thank you god for replacing me with you
thank you god for replacing me with you
thank you god for replacing me with you
thank you god for replacing me with you
thank you god for replacing me with you