the answer is still TRUST

Jessica Mullen

the answer is still TRUST

Jessica Mullen
watch yourself sit here still feeling anxious but reminding yourself
trust the process of life. trust it's happening in your favor. TRUST!

yes i am anxious. yes i am feeling regret and guilt. yes i am diappointed in myself and feeling very self critical. yes i feelempty. yes i feel a gaping hole. yes i want to feel better. yes i want to have a good day. yes i want to make this journal. yes i want to feel better. yes i want to have fun. yes i want to feel good. yes i am focused on preferences and how i woul dlike things to be.

yes i am wanting to change how i feel. yes i am wanting to change everything always. yes i am wanting relief. yes i am wanting flow. yes i am wanting to feel better. yes i am wanting to feel good without anything changing. yes i want to feel confidnet and good about myself and not so insecure. yes i want to be full of confidence yes i want the confidence of knowing god is on my side and i can trust the proess of life.

yes i am hungry. yes i am listening to the birds. yes i am accepting what is. yes i am wondering what we're oging to eat today. yes i am breathing out. yes i am breathing in. yes i am feeling regret still. yes i just want to feel good about myself and not so self critical. yes i want miracles. yes i want magick life. yes i want to feel lucky and blessed and relieved. yes i just want to feel relieved. yes i want to feel relieved.

thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you for getting my separate self and preferences out of the way. thank you for helping me release my preferences. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you for writing always working. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you for helping me let it go. thank you for helping me stay sober today. thank you for perfect timing. thank you for helping me trust the magick life. thank you for helping me remember I HAVE NOTHING but what you give me in this moment.

and i am grateful for what i am given right now,
time to write, healthy happy birds, hunger that i know will be solved soon, quiet cloudy morning perfect for writing and meditating, cool weather, happy birds, time to myself, time to turn the boat, time to feel better, time to remember to trust.

I HAVE NOTHING but what god is giving me now
i have nothing to gain, no relationship, no money, no attention. i have nothing to gain by preferring. i have nothing to lose by feeling guilt. i have nothing to gain and nothing to lose. i have nothing. i have nothing. i have nothing. i am free.

i have nothing but what is given right now, no relationship, no health or money or entertainment or nourishment. i have nothing but what is given right now, and what is given right now is what i need.

i have nothing but what is given right now: anxious thoughts to transcend and see they are powerless. guilt and shame to feel and let pass by. guilt at taking what wasn't mine to take. guilt at not being more thoughtful and considerate. guilt for taking. guilt for taking. guilt for taking.

i have nothing but what is given and i feel guilty for taking what wasn't mine to take
but what was given was the impulse to do what i did. what was given was the opportunity. what was given was something i couldn't have known not to take.

I HAVE NOTHING
i have nothing to gain by feeling guilty and ashamed. i have nothing to gain by beating myself up. i have nothing to gain by feeling regret. i have nothing to gain by trying to change my mind.

i have nothing to lose by letting go of those thoughts. i have nothing to lose by transmuting my pain. i have nothing to lose by trusting it was the right place and right tiem and right action. i have nothing to lose by letting those thoughts and emotions go. i have nothing to lose by letting go. i have nothing to lose.

i have nothing to gain by writing. i have nothing to gain by writing (except clarity?) although i suppose i am being given writing and it's not a gaining per se it's just a gift it's just an activity happening right now

i have nothing but what god is giving me right now
and i am being given so much
time and quiet and cool weather and flowing words and emails already sent.
hunger and birds tweeting and inspiration to paint.
emptiness and anxiety to make me act better next time, more thoughtful and considerate
this is how i got to be who i am, mistake and correct mistake and correct it's ok to make a mistake it's ok to make a mistake it's ok

i have nothing but what god is giving me right now
new perspective on my actions. the permission to stop thinking so much about the past. the ability to let go of guilt and regret and say I DON'T GIVE A FUCK because I HAVE NOTHING! but what god gives me
so if god wants to give me anger and disappoinment, if god wants to give me something in the future to punish me, that's ok because i have nothing to lose by being punished

and just seeing that i think god will punish me....... that's not trust
i have nothing but what god is giving me right now and i can trust that it's the right thing, the perfect unfolding, perfect timing

i have nothing but what god gives me right now, and that's the contrast to make me focus and write and feel better because it's my choice to get out of the fucking torturous thought stream! it's my choice to decide to be the source!
yes! thank you!

i have nothing!
i have nothing to gain nothing to lose
i have nothing! but what god gives me right now
i have nothing but what is being given right now
and i am so grateful for what is
right now

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.