watch yourself feel overwhelmed
i have nothing but what god gives me right now
i have nothing
i want the freedom of that rock bottom again
the things ripped away
the bad news that i have nothing
so that i can be free
i want to be unattached to anything that happens in this world so that when it's gone i feel nothing or at least simply grateful not destroyed and like i have to kms

watch yourself feel disappointed in yourself, right on schedule this month. watch yourself want to express yourself creatively and feel like THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME
watch yourself want to fix your website and make new work and feel better and you just disappointed yourself so you feel no motivation because you're thinking about the mistakes you made

watch yourself want to express yourself and write a new journal but you know you're not quite there yet it has something to do with

saying yes to what is
thank you god for replacing me with you
thank you
am i aware?

this isn't it
i have nothing
that god doesn't give me in this moment
all i have is this moment
what god gives me right now

i have nothing

i want it to end on having nothing... the freedom......

i have nothing. i just wish i could have a thought that would always work but i know i can't rely on any thought because they always go away and lose their power....

am i aware?
this ISN'T IT
or is this the beloved? i know it's both and neither
but what do i focus on today

i have nothing but what god gives me in this moment
i have nothing but this moment
i have nothing but this moment
i have nothing but what god gives me in this moment
i have nothing

i want to hurry up and make this journal this weekend
i want to know the next step
thank you god for replacing me with you thank you for bringing this work through me

yes i am struggling today because i feel low energy and i have this email to send and a workout to do and i have a headache. yes i am breathing out. yes i am braething in and feeling overwhelmed. yes i am disappointed in myself right non time.

yes i am breathing in. yes i want to feel better. yes i am remembering this is not it
this is not it and that is not it and it's all transient even the feeling that i want to feel better
it al comes and goes
i want to stay as what is permanent

none of this is it. this isn't it/ i have nothing
i have nothing but what god gives me in this moment
i have nothing but what god gives me in this moment
i want to feel better
yes i want to feel better
yes i am stuck in my preferences
i would prefere to feel better this momrning
i would prefer to be writing / creating this journal
i would prefer this email to already be written
i would prefer to receive more attention
i would prefer to have more money i would prefer to be more in control of my vibration
i would prefer to feel better i prefer to. have more
i prefer to be comfortable and feel in control i prefer to feel in control i prefer to control

i have nothing! i have no control! control is an illusion! control is letting go! i have nothing! i have nothing but what god gives me in this moment i have no control but what i do in this moment
even then i'm not sure i'm in the one in control

i prefer to have that email written and the class done
i prefer to feel lighter and not so weighed down
i prefer to feel better and more manic and smiling
i prefer to be working on something that will maek me money
i prefer to know what to say
i prefer to feel better than this

and all of these preferences are why i am suffering because it is not that way
i have nothing i have nothing i have nothing but what god gives me now
and it's not the way "I" want it

what to do when i want it to be another way? how to stop suffering?
i have nothing
i have nothing but what god gives me i have nothing but what god gives me in this moment
in this moment god is giving me time to write
and time to go within
god is giving me the birds chirping
god is giving me a warm breeze and it's friday
god is giving me a day where i don't have to walk anywhere
god is giving me the sounds of contruction
god is giving me the contrast that makes me want to make godo work and be more in control of my actions
god is giving me the desire to create
god is giving me the desire to take better care of myself and feel in control of my vibration
god is giving me peacefulness really
god is giving me perspective
i would want what god is giving me over what it is giving anyone else

i have NOTHING to gain or lose
i have nothing but what god is giving me now
and i want god to give me something else
that is the definition of ungrateful right?
so being stuck in these preferences is being ungrateful...

i have nothing but what god is giving me now
so thank you god
thank you god for replacing me with you
thank you for the time to write and go within
thank you for helping me know what to say
thank you for helping me notice what i truly have
which is this moment
You