presence is the only security

Jessica Mullen

presence is the only security

Jessica Mullen
watch yourself drag your feet to get started on this. watch yourself wonder when the last time you wrote was. watch yourself want to read and listen to some mooji. watch yourself feel kinda desperate. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself breathe out and let go. fuck it. who cares. oh well.

watch yourself feel surprised by your attitude. watch yourself miss the way it used to be. watch yourself wish you felt better. watch yourself wish you didn't get so hooked. watch yourself tell yourself you enjoyed every minute of getting hooked. watch yourself feel mad at yourself for getting hooked yet again. watch yourself intend to unhook... detangle... detach... let go.

watch yourself feel really tired and wonder if you should drink more coffee. watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself notice it's 5pm. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself feel so sad you feel sick. watch yourself sit here. watch yourself sit here feeling crappy.

oh yes i'm supposed to just accept. it is what it is. it is what it is.

yes i am seeking. yes i am disappointed. yes i feel like i really dropped the ball. yes i am breathing out. yes i am noticing weird shadows on the house next door. yes i am sad. yes i am sad. yes i am attached to outcome and attached to how things were. yes i am grasping and clinging. yes i am having a hard time letting go. yes i am having a hard time being flexible and flowing. yes i am struggling.

yes i am breathing out. yes i am sitting here feeling a little cold from the breeze. yes i want to water my plants but it's too sunny. yes i am breathing out. yes i am sitting here. yes i am freaking out. yes i am feeling disgusted by myself. yes i am feeling disappointed in myself. yes i am having a hard time. yes i am seeking. yes i am seeking. yes i am seeking. and i am resisting what is.

yes i am resisting what is. yes i am resisting feeling like this. rejected. discarded. used up. used.

yes i am watching the thought stream of worries and resentments. yes i feel resentful. yes i feel disappointed. yes i feel rejected. yes i feel used. yes i feel like a loser. yes i feel unappreciated. yes i feel like shit. yes i feel like shit. yes i feel like i fucked up. yes i feel fucking furious with myself for getting caught up. yes i feel like a loser.

yes i'm fucking irritated by the people banging metal somethings every day. yes i miss my dad. yes i am breathing out. yes i am breathing in. yes i am remembering my dream. yes i am sitting here. yes i am breathing in. yes i am breathing out. yes i feel cold. yes i feel like a loser.

yes i am breathing out. yes i am breathing in. yes i am looking at my hands and they look dry and old. yes i am sitting here. yes i am hungry i guess.

yes i am disappointed.
yes i am disgusted with myself for getting too hooked.
yes i am way too mixed with experience.
yes i want to stay as i am

am i aware?
i need to sit here until i am enlightened. am i aware?
am i not aware?

-- the next morning --

yes i am struggling. yes i am breathing out. yes i am remembering: you always have the upper hand with THANK YOU. time for yes and thank you.

yes i want to feel better. yes i want to be in contrl of my vibration. yes i want to stay sa i am. yes i am listening to the birds. yes i am braething out. yes i am sitting here wondering how to feel better. yes i am depressed and disappointed. yes i am seeking. yes i am resisting. yes i am struggling.

yes i am breathing out. yes i am anxious. yes i am frustrated. yes i am disappointed. the disappointment feels like... all my cells falling.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.

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