who am i who is in a tizzy

Jessica Mullen

who am i who is in a tizzy

Jessica Mullen
watch yourself sit here and feel anxious but it's probably the 2nd cup of coffee. watch yourself breahte out and listen to yellow ledbetter again and again and again. watch yourself feel anxious. watch yourself feel empty. watch yourself want to get back to your I AM. watch yourself breathe out and feel empty. watch yourself feel drained. watch yourself feel seeking and resisting. watch yourself feel like you have something to gain or lose.

watch yourself want to get back to pure awareness. i know pure awareness is under there. i know i can convince the mind to let go. sink back into the source. am i aware?

watch yourself think about what other people are doing. watch yourself feel so proud of yourself for your beautiful weight lol. watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself sit here and feel weird. watch yourself breathe out and sit here. watch yourself sit here. watch yourself sit here typing nervously to fill the time. watch yourself breathe out and kind of dread shoveling because of the getting dressed process. watch yourself breathe in and look forward to the real weekend starting at 3. watch yourself feel anxious and mad at yourself for caring what other people think and caring about pleasing other people.

watch yourself run through your favorite thoughts and hope one works today
am i aware?
who am i?
thank you
thank you god for replacing me with you
god i'm in your hands
nam myoho renge kyo
let it play

watch yourself want to get back to pure awareness. watch yourself breathe out and feel anxious. watch yourself breathe in and feel anxious. watch yourself seek. watch yourself feel a weird feeling in your side. watch yourself breahte out. watch yourself keep breathing out. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself sit here and feel proud of yourself.

watch yourself breathe out. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself sit here and feel antsy and angry. watch yourself feel irritable.

who am i who is irritated?
someone in a tizzy
there's no one there

who am i who is thinking about the future?
there's no one there

who am i who is noticing weird sensations?
just awareness
there's nothing there

who am i who is thinking about a message?
a mind

who am i who is rerunning an experience?
there's no one there

who am i who is dreading shoveling?
there's no one there

who am i who is writing this?
there's no one there

who am i who is sitting in this chair?
a ghost?
a body?
i guess it's awareness
i guess IT

who am i who is breathing out listening to pearl jam?
a child

who am i who is wanting to cry?
a child who is hurt and lonely and abandoned

who am i who is missing my parents?
someone holding on
holding on to form
attachment
adhesive
an adhesive

who am i who wants to rush to finish this?
a mind in time

who am i who is thinking about the future?
a tendril of attention

who am i who is sitting here wanting an easier prompt so i can get this over with sooner?
someone racing to what's next, always on what's next what's next what's next get it over with so i can relax
someone who wants to relax

when i ask who am i, i relax.

the storm dies down. the tendrils retreat back into the source. calm still silent cozy.

who am i who is resisting someone else? who am i who gets irritated?
an ego with an agenda
an ego trying to control
someone who wants things to go a certain way
attachment to outcome
adhesive

let the stickiness go. let the glue go.

who am i who is judging for adhesive?
a cloud passing

who am i who is listening to pearl jam thinking about buying those botanical tix?
someone who has something to gain or lose
an ego

who am i who is wondering if i should buy that thing?
someone trying to please someone trying to get something from giving

who am i who is sitting here looking at my hands?
an observer

who am i who is sitting here having to pee?
the watcher

who am i who is experiencing a racing heart?
a child
scared to get in trouble
scared to be abandoned if she is not perfect

if she doesn't follow the rules and do everything right

who am i who is too warm now?
floating

who am i who is resisting a thought?
a thought

a thought resisting a thought

i am pure awareness and i have nothing to resist, nothing to seek, nothing to gain, nothing to lose.

who am i who gets so caught up in a tizzy?
a hurt child

who was left alone to figure it out

who am i who is unpacking this childhood trauma before work and shoveling?
pure awareness is just watching

there's nothing there
just watching
watching isn't anything
it's happening

it isn't a noun

who am i who has to pee?
life

who am i who is smiling at that answer?
mind still likes to laugh and play
that's probably god
god is back!

who am i who is so relieved god is back?
just god
just god watching

smiling

who am i who makes things so complicated?
a fractal
it's just for fun
designs

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.