plummeted into the depths again
every month clockwork
i know i'm leveling up but this part of the skin peeling off
i've never been afraid to get hurt

i know i hold the power
but i want to be a victim right now? sick
why did i let myself fall
how did i let myself fall
i saw things i couldn't unsee
not even you are perfect
not even you are perfect

seeking and resisting and suffering
seeking and resisting and suffering
seeking for love and attention and comfort and warmth and unconditional love and care
resisting what i already have
resisting what already is
fighting what is

the music
ok i changed it

there's nothing without words i want to listen to
i am resisting going without words
i need some mooji i guess
everything is so distracting i am so distracted i just want to give this love
unburden myself?

i invoke thee
thank you god for replacing me with you
thank you wife for always being right
thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you

all the original parts of that zine have to go back in
thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you

am i aware?
who am i ?
am i aware?

i can get some distance i'm creative i can transmute i can transmute i can make peace with what is
i surrender
i surrender
i surrender
i surrender
i am letting it play. i am letting it play. i am letting it play

pl

thank you god for the miracle
thank you god for the miracle
i let myself slip so far
thank you god for the miracle

nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo

i really am angry
i really am resisting what is
fighting it tooth and nail
fighting what is
fighting what is
the feeling in my stomach
i want back what i used to have
i am attached i am attached i am attached i have to let go

what do you want
loving connection presence joy laughter fun pleasure joy love love love love

surrender
to be present
to be the source
to be the love i want to receive so bad
to remember that what i seek is where i am seeking from

how to get back there
am i aware worked so well for so long then what

so many changes
so much snow

kelly said i need to do my writing and she's right i haven't felt this way in months
absolutely horrible

unlovable
unbearable
so lonely
so clingy and attached
insecure
low

i feel unworthy? not good enough? insecure
sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration, and vulnerability
i feel them all

in the center of my being
a snake of filth being expunged through my eyes
wondering if i'm using words correctly and laughing at all the language upgrades

just remembered calle 13 ok that will get me through a few minutes

i am resisting change so hard
i did it when summer became fall
i do it when the summer of my cycle becomes fall
i know i need to go within
but i am seeking outside
hello see me i feel invisible please come validate me

seeking
the b f

have some self respect

thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you. thank you god for replacing me with you.

thank you god thank you god

thank you god for helping me stay sober today thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for helping me help thank you for replacing me with you and getting me the fuck out of the way

thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you. thank yo ugod for replacing me with you

i surrender

i am GIVING UP TRYING TO CONTROL
things i am not going to try to control anymore:
what other people do
when i see other people
what time things happen
what i'm going to eat
where i'm going to go
what i'm going to say
what i'm going to do

i surrender i give up i give up i give up i GIVE UP
i surrender
i surrender
i am going with in
WHO AM I??? DEAR GOD PLEASE TELL ME WHO THE FUCK AM I
who am who is so obsessed who am i who is fixated who am i who is so lost in experience who am i who has no energy for anything i wanted to do
who am i who is so tired
who am i who is overwhlemed
who am i who doesn't even care. anymore
who am i who is irritated by everything
who am i who still thinks i'm going to cry
who am i who is resisting everything
and yet seeking as well
who am i who is resisting change so much
who am i who is so frustrated
who am i who is so annoyed
who am i who is so annoyed
who am i who is so disgusted with reality
who am i who is so mad at myself for getting mixed up with it
who am i who is so sad
who am i who is so mad

who am i who is so jealous
who am i who is so obsessed
who am i who is so insecure
who am i who is trying to escape
who am i who is noticing the desire to escape

who am i who is so annoyed and irritated by change
who am i who is seeking SO HARD for external validation

who am i who is second guessing
who am i who is watching this
who am i who gets annoyed at being interrupted
who am i who wants to blast out of this reality
who am i who is DESPERATELY SEEKING

who am i who knows i need to shift
think about somethign else
let
GO!!!!!!!!!!!
think about seomthgin else do something else

who am i who is telling me to think about omsething else
who am i who is feeling vibes from childhood
trapped in my bedroom
the internet and art/music my only freedom

who am i who is noticing this crushed need to succeed
who am i who is remembering success is presence
who am i who is thinking i am not present
who am i who is listening ot music
who am i who needs something to change

who am i who is waiting to gain something
who am i who is wanting to catch a wind

make boopies
scan the photos
pack the orders
do the books

i can feel better
i can feel better i can catch a wind
thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god

who am i who is going right back to thinking about it
who am i who can't walk away from the writing because i just started feeling better
who am i who is so heartsick
who am i who is so lovesick
who am i who is so attached

who am i who is so attached
who am i who is sitting in this char
who am i who is suffering because i'm thinking about lack
who am i who is so focused on lack?? who am i who is so focused on what's missing??'

who am i who is so worried about what's missing
when there's nothing missing because
who am i?
god
just god
that's all that's in there
nothing
emptiness
but the emptiness knows
the emptiness has fun?
the emptiness is fun?
emptiness is fun
emptiness is fun
emptiness is fun

who am i who am i who am i who am i
who am i who am i who am i who am i who is still so irritated like a raw nerve

who am i who is so defensive
who am i
who am i
who am i
who am i who just wants to live in peace
who am i who feels out of control
who am i who is feeling insane
who am i who is feeling like a dream
who am i who is so frustrated
who am i who is so incomplete
who am i who goes right back to the lack mindset
thinking something is missing?

nothing is missing but god they say
god where are you thank you god
thank you god
thank you god
thank you god
thank you g
d

thank you god for replacing me with you thank you god for replacing me with you

who am i who wants to get up
who am i who has to pee
who am i who is so deperate
who am i who is so obsessed
who am i who is seeking
who am i who is resisting
who am i who is irritable
who am i who is sad
who am i who is seeking comfort and validation
who am i who wants something ...
who am i who wants and wants and wants more and more and more
who am i who feels not enough
who am i who feels not enough

who am i who feels like trash
because my magick brought the prize
and then i got obsessed with the prize
keeping it nice
protecting it
but it's my magick i should be keeping nice and protected

LET THE MAGICK DO IT
FLIP THE FUCKING SWITCH
ARE YOU AWARE?!