what is the pain making you ask for?
the pain is: feeling unappreciated. feeling uncared for. lack of attention. not treated right. ignored. feeling like no one ever cares what i want. feeling like a victim. wanting to be rescued. feeling discarded. worthless. pathetic. bad attitude. like i can't catch a break, can't win. how is it 78 in here and my hands are still ice. winter is hurting me. i'm being a sloppy thinker. woke up on the wrong side of the bed. tired of having enough good attitude for 3 people. tired of being a person. tired of having these preferences. tired of trying and forcing and worrying and wondering. tired of waiting.

being here is enough.
i surrender to the mystery.
thank you love for replacing me with you.
who am i? knowing

wouldn't it be nice if it all worked out? Wouldn't it be nice to surrender for real? Wouldn't it be nice if k got up now? Wouldn't it be nice to have a good day? Wouldn't it be nice to feel better? Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up? Wouldn't it be nice to trust the process of life/ Wouldn't it be nice to stay as i am, pure awareness or knowing/ Wouldn't it be nice to have a good attitude and not care if it's enough for 3 people because my attitude is so good there is enough for everyone? Wouldn't it be nice to love myself the way i am today? Wouldn't it be nice to feel better today? Wouldn't it be nice to have a miracle today? Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up and laugh a lot today? Wouldn't it be nice to let love live me today? Wouldn't it be nice to surrender to the mystery and it works lol? Wouldn't it be nice to feel like god is taking care of me today? Wouldn't it be nice to stay as i am today? being here is enough. being here is enough. i surrender to the mystery. thank you love for replacing me with you. thank you love for replacing me with you. thank you love for replacing me with you. thank you love for replacing me with you. thank you love for replacing me with you. thank you love for replacing me with you.

am i aware? yes i am aware of the presence of god. i am aware. i am aware. i am knowing. i am pure knowing. pure awareness. i am knowing. i am the knowing of all that is. i am the knowing. knowing. i am knowing.

who am i who is so pressed to reply? Who am i who is crying and sad today? who am i who has these fucked up emotions and makes problems where there are none? Who am i who is so distracted? Who am i who is obsessed? Who am i who is feeling abandoned?

i don't have to abandon myself. allegedly god never abandons me. allegedly i am always loved and looked after.

i am choosing to flip the switch. i am choosing to have a good attitude. i am flipping the switch from
feeling abandoned, feeling like a victim, feeling unloved and unappreciated and uncared for
to
feeling appreciated, loved, cared for and empowered.

i am