Watch yourself sit at your desk. Watch yourself listen to the birds. Am I aware? Yes I am aware. Watch yourself listen/perceive your new visualization for am i aware: every time you ask, it's like flicking a lighter. A spark of recognition. And if it catches, you get the flame of awareness burning. Stay burning.

Watch yourself remember a drawing idea you had yesterday on the fun show. Watch yourself pray you have enough time to do your writing. Watch yourself tell yourself to focus. Watch yourself feel kind of mad at yourself, as usual really. Watch yourself tell yourself, now is different. now is a start of a new time period in my life .i am a new woman. i am keeping up with the new attitude. i am in control of my vibration. i am aware. i am making my best work. i am driven and focused. i am light. i am in the flow. i am doing everything right. i am taking control of my attention. i am trusting the process of life. i am aware. i am letting go. i am aware. am i aware? yes i am aware.

watch yourself feel mad at yourself. watch yourself. breathe in. watch yourself breathe out. who is it who is mad? a scary face of my dad in my internalized memory i guess. who am i who is mad? a voice from growing up. how dare you! why would you fuck it all up! what's wrong with you! why are you such a lazy slug! why do you do it to yourself!

watch yourself sit here and try to come up with a plan. watch yourself wish you could just stay as awareness and let all this judgement go. watch yourself wish you would be nice to yourself, and also that you would eat less. watch yourself notice how you always want an appetite suppressant. Your whole life has been about suppressing your appetite. What would happen if you encouraged your appetite?!

Watch yourself feel way to threatened by that question! Ha what would happen indeed. Guess we'll never know1

Watch yourself sit here and at least be in a joking mood. Watch yourself feel grateful you're almost to your period. Watch yourself notice how much you pay attention to your cycle now, is it to your detriment? at least you're aware... watch yourself be pretty mad at yourself for being at your highest weight in a year. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Watch yourself feel so pathetic like bridget jones. how hard is it? just focus bitch! haha wow

watch yourself feel like now you've got to make this a protected post... ugh.

watch yourself feel vulnerable. watch yourself feel disappointed. please god please help me stop using food as a drug. please please please make you my drug. please god make god my drug. please god make god my drug. please god replace my earthly addictions with you. please god replace my earthly addictions with you. please please please.

watch yourself tell yourself, next time you're depressed and it's day 17 of your cycle, say to yourself, "please god replace my addictive urges with you" and see if that works.... oh yeah praying did really help when i got sober, maybe prayer is it this time.

thank you god for replacing my addictions with you. thank you god for replacing my addictive behaviors with you. thank you god for replacing my addictive thoughts with you. thank you god for replacing my earthly desires with you. thank you god for helping me. thank you god for helping me. thank you god for catching the flame of my awareness. thank you god for helping me.

watch yourself say hi to k as she comes down stairs. watch yourself try to race to finish this. watch yourself listen to the sounds of leaf blowers in the street. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself breathe out and try to focus. watch yourself ask again who am i who notices this anger??

am i aware?

watch yourself sit here writing, at a loss of where to go next. am i aware? yes i am aware.

thank you god.
i pray to stay sober god.
i pray to stay sober god.
thank you for helping me stay sober from my addictive thoughts/tendencies/behaviors.
thank you god for keeping me sober. thank you god for keeping me sober. thank you god for helping me stay sober.

am i aware? am i aware? yes i am aware.

i am aware of rushing. i am aware of the fury that comes when i get logged out and have to log in while in the middle of writing.

i am aware of k telling linty NO. i am aware of sitting here in this chair. i am aware of starting something new. i am aware of asking god for help. i am aware of asking for help. please god help me stay sober. i pray to stay sober. i pray to stay sober. i pray to stay sober from addicitive thoughst. i pray to stay sober. i pray to stay sober.

thank you god for helping me stay sober. thank you for helping me make new work. thank you for helping me feel good about myself and life. thank you for helping me stand up for myself and speak my truth. thank you for helping me feel better. thank you for helping me be light. thank you for helping me lighten up. thank you for helping me enjoy this day despite. my disappointment in myself. thank you for helping me. thank you for helping me stay sober. thank you for helping me stay sober.

thank you for helping me stay aware. is aware the same as sober? seems like it. thank you god for helping me stay aware. thank you god for helping me stay aware. thank you for helping me stay as i am. thank you for lighting the flame of awareness in me. thank you for helping me stay aware.