Watch yourself stand at your desk and feel watched. WAtch yourself put on immortality by pearl jam. Watch yourself actually want to play guitar. Watch yourself remember the instagram messages. Watch yourself remember all the sshit you see on instagram and compare yourself to every day. WAtch yourself wish you could make something great. Watch yourself wish you could find something fun to do. Watch yourself STRESS about this dr appt coming up today. Watch yourself feel stressed. WAtch yourself feel creative at least. Watch yourself feel (sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration, and vulnerability) ... frustration?
Watch yourself feel frustration that you feel like you have something to create and it's just not coming out yet. Well it's started. It's started. It's started. Watch yourself feel what frustration feels like. It feels like... ugh fuck yall. Blocked. Stressed. Just under the surface. What is the point of this fucking life. What even sounds fun. What even should I do with my time here. And is helping other people even a worthwhile pursuit when i can barely help myself?
Watch yourself stand here and feel sad and depressed I guess. Watch yourself feel weird that you're in a pearl jam phase but really love it. WAtch yourself wish you could get out of your mind and feel better. Watch yourself want to feel better. Watch yourself want to feel your feelings and move on!
Watch yourself just feel glad to have the time to write. WAtch yourself wish for fun. Watch yourself wish you would get out of your comfort zone more... well you are I guess.
Watch yourself wish for the silver bullet thought like all the other mooji-ites. Watch yourself wonder if it's "I AM" or "thank you" and when exactly do you use either... and i guess you're not really supposed to lean on a thought anyway. Empty. Be Empty. Be empty.
Watch yourself listen to this candlebox song you used in the 7th grade science fair ctfu. Watch yourself feel the cassette tape in your hand that you made with subliminal messages on your double tape deck boom box.
Watch yourself listen to this candle box song written for andrew wood. Watch yourself wish for some meaning, some drive, some success. WAtch yourself want success so fucking bad ,Watch yourself want success so fucking bad! And you get it in trickles, steady, orders and sales and wholesales and clients and tarot and friends. Watch yourself want to write music tho lmao. Watch yourself want to express yourself more fully. WAtch yourself want to feel less tortured. WAtch yourself want to turn the pain into music. WAtch yourself want to turn this all into the most beautiful commercially viable art possible.
How to turn tarot and coaching and SoLD and music and meditation all into one thing, one masterpiece project that changes the (my) world?
Watch yourself feel excited that you at least have some creative drive still in you. Watch yourself wish you felt more focused, knew what to make,
painting and music and tarot and meditation and conscious creation and .... how to put it all together. How to make My SELF proud? How to feel better through art. How to make something good. How to make something never before seen. At least the creative drive is back. AT least i can feel i might actually create something. I know the tide is turning the tide is turning the tide is turning i will make this i will make this masterpiece i will succeed. i am succeeding. i am successful in this moment because i am feeling good and i am expressing myself and i am making my best work right now. i am making my best work right now. i am making my best work right now. i am making my best work right now.
i know i am here. i know i am here. i know i am here. i know i can succeed. i know i am successful right now. i know i am successful right now. i know i am successful right now.
I am saying yes to what is.
I am loving what is.
I am flexible and flowing.
I am in the flow.
God i am transported back to high school riding around in the backs of friends of friends cars....
Watch yourself want to focus, let it all out, i know it's all there, i know it's all perfect just put it in to place!
I know I can do this i know i can make my best work i know i can expose the deepest layer of fat and gristle to the bone. i Know i can go to the bone i know i can go to the bone i know i can choose creative expression over self destruction. i know i can be vulnerable in my art again. i know i can make my best work. i know i can express myself.
i know i am here. i know i am here. i know i can make my best work. i know i can do it . i know i can do it. i know i can be successful right here right now.
watch yourself feel better... it's going to work. It's going to come out.
I am saying yes to what is. Yes I am stressed about this dr appt but yes i am excited to transmute my chaotic energy into a masterpiece of art. Yes I am feel creative, what a miracle. What a tradeoff from the kratom. Yes i would rather feel creative than numb. Yes I would rather feel creative than numb. Yes I just need to put this pain somewhere! I need to get it out of me! I need to let it go! I need to get it out! Yes i am making my best work right now. Yes I can be free. Yes I can let go. Yes i can be free.
I am loving what is. I am loving that I feel present. I am loving that i can choose my attitude. Yes i am loving that i can choose to focus and express myself and feel the fucking feeling and put the pain down somewhere visible and let it go and share the pain and let it go. Yes I can let it go. Yes I can let it go. Yes i can let it go. Yes I can let it go. Yes I can express myself. yes I can choose to make my best work. I can choose gratitude. I can let it out. I. am letting it out. I am letting it out.
I know I am here. Thank you.