I Know I Am Here

Jessica Mullen

I Know I Am Here

Jessica Mullen
Watch yourself stand at your desk, an hour after getting up. Lots of cleaning up today. Watch yourself kick off your shoes made for children. Watch yourself try to be here now. WAtch yourself feel annoyed. Watch yourself want better for yourself. A nicer house, a nicer city, a cleaner house, a cleaner mind.

Watch yourself want more for yourself. A car? Idk. Friends. Sales and orders. Watch yourself want to make better work, more popular work. better selling work. WAtch yourself feel angry for accepting pickle juice for so long. You deserve better!

Watch yourself listen to a truck start outside and realize it's probably your amazon paper. Watch yourself listen to the neighbor start her car. WAtch yourself pray you have enough time to get your 1000 words. WAtch yourself want to get your ducks in a row. Watch yourself want to order more kratom. Watch yourself feel a little disappointed in yourself that you're on the shit again. But today is the last day of your supply. Might as well try to live with out it for a few days.

Watch yourself miss your dr who disappeared into the pandy. WAtch yourself be here now. Watch yourself remind yourself, I know I am here. WAtch yourself tell yourself to relax into your being. WAtch yourself listen to lint cry. WAtch yourself realize you need to wash her plate or it's going to get crusty. Watch yourself feel so demanded upon. Watch yourself want to feel better. Watch yourself know you feel pretty good but so. many complaints inn your mind.

Watch yourself want to have a good day. WAtch yourself want to make good work. WAtch yourself listen to yourself get a snapchat notif. WAtch yourself stand here and listen to the sounds of the neighbor's cars.

Watch yourself look out the window at the bitd on the neighbor's gutter. Watch yourself notice your lips are chapped. Watch yourself want to reach for the chapstick but if you go away from the keyboard the spell might be broken.

Watch yourself feel thirsty too.

WAtch yourself feel like such a loser! Like you should have accomplished more by now! You don't even have the default creation, a child! Watch yourself eviscerate yourself in your mind. WAtch yourself want the relief of mooji. Watch yourself want to just remember, I know I am here. I am resting in my knowing i am here. i am resting in my sense I am.

Watch yourself want to get better at resting in the I AM. WAtch yourself want to get there without prompts or drugs or satsang. Watch yourself breathe in deeply but it's not enough. Watch yourself yawn. Watch yourself want to have a good. day. WAtch yourself try to smile but it turns into a grimace. Watch yourself want to MAKE SOMETHING. WAtch yourself feel so disappointed in yourself.

Watch yourself have a lot of anger inside, and you can only blame yourself. Watch yourself blame yourself. WAtch yourself stand here. WATch yourself remember the terrible show you watched last night with your friend. Watch yourself stand here. Watch yourself stand here. WAtch yourself stand here.

Watch yourself remember the bug you found in the terlet this morning. Watch yourself wonder what the day will hold. WAatch yourself want to think about your good qualities bc your self worth is in the terlet itself.

Tarot reader
Meditation guide
Graphic designer
Image maker
Relatively fit
Emotional family support

And what do you want to improve
Ability to feel feelings and deal with reality sober
Stop taking things personally
Stop holding familial grudges
Make good work, a new journal or zine, whatever! WORK ETHIC

WAtch yourself remember, your mood is your work. That is how you can make the good work. Watch yourself want to get all your items done today. Watch yourself start your list.

  • Petsitter
  • IRS estimated
  • Zine cover
  • Lulu report
  • Record
  • Butter
  • Make something good

20 minutes later
WAtch yourself stand here and breathe in. Watch yourself take your shoes off again. Watch yourself breathe in and intend to have a good day. Watch yourself breathe out and just try to
watch yourself take your hair down bc your ponytail was touching your neck in an annoying way

watch yourself want to order kratom. watch yourself build your krabot cart...

watch yourself be about to spend $70 on kratom. i want it so bad!

watch yourself feel disappointed and disgusted with yourself

watch yourself stand here and close the tab. watch yourself want to have a good happy life. watch yourself want to have a good life. watch yourself want better for yourself. but what exactly?? if i change my physical circumstances, it doesn't change anything! I'll take myself with me! My drug addict nature and my low grade depression and my criticism of everything I hold dear! I'll still be me! I have to figure out how to be happy where I am!!!

ANd the kratom really helps with that lol.

But today I will try... to just know i am here. and hope that works. rest in my sense of being. rest in my I AM. mooji says that's where the secrets are... i really want this to work.

i know i am here. i know i am here. i know i am here. i am. i am.

watch yourself get to 897 words. watch yourself want to wrap this up so you can focus on something else. watch yourself just try to tell yourself,

your mood is your work, so... get in a good mood. feel your feelings and then let them go, get in a good mood.
your mood is your work
and the secrets to enjoying being are in your I AM

know that you are here. rest in your knowing that you are here.

i know i am here. i know i am here. i know i am here. i know i am here. i know i am here. i know i am here.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.