I Know I Am Here

Jessica Mullen

I Know I Am Here

Jessica Mullen

I know I am here. I know I am here. That is my knowing. I know I am here.

Watch yourself try to practice being here. I know I am here.

Watch yourself try to get yourself out of your mind.

WAtch yourself listen to chloe dancer again.

Watch yourself breathe out and feel so much... spite? Watch yourself be here now. I am here. I know I am here.

Watch yourself try to fit IKIAH on your knuckles.

Watch yourself love this song. Watch yourself listen
life is what you make it

Watch yourself sit here. WAtch yourself sit here. Watch yourself sit here. WATch yourself sit here.

Watch yourself feel a little too close to suffering. Watch yourself notice how wrapped up you are in judging.

Watch yourself criticize yourself for taking lint for granted.

Watch yourself feel sooo critical of everything especially yourself
watch yourself breahte out and try to focus. watch yourself breathe in and try tp be ehereihrj osefnosdfsd

wath

watch yourself just be so mad at yourself. watch yourself think you're getting played again. watch yourself feel hurt, vulnerable? embarassed? frustrated? disappointed!

watch yourself feel terribly disappointed. watch yourself feel unworthy, unloved. watch yourself feel sad. watch yourself feel angry. watch yourself feel overwhelmed. watch yourself feel pissed!

Watch yourself feel pissed. Watch yourself breathe in. Watch yourself breathe out. Watch yourself try to be here now. i know i am here. watch yourself want to create something good. please help me create something good.

watch yourself remember lint in your lap. watch yourself breathe in. watch yourself breathe out and feel so disappointed in everyone. so disappointed in everyone! i feel let down. they aren't who i thought they were. why did i ever bother thinking/making up some narrative about them??

watch yourself just want to read your book. watch yourself wish for a good life for yourself. watch yourself wish. watch yourself breathe in.

watch yourself get an annoying email and be disappointed in the sender! watch yourself wonder when you will decide to stop being disappointed?? i guess i'm disappointed in myself. i guess i'm listening to this tragic grunge playlist. am i going through some pattern from the 90s?! how was i a child in the 90s. how is this happening.

ALL I KNOW IS I AM HERE.
i know i am here.
i know i am here.

watch yourself listen to VAST and remember what it felt like to want to make music.
watch yourself want to MAKE SOMETHINg OF UOURSELF
watch yourself feel so not good enough
watch yourself pray youre a really late bloomer
watch yourself pray for yourself i feel like you were supposed to have done somethign by now

watch yourself feel atrocious. watch yourself want to feel good about yourself again. watch yourself feel grateful you're not worse off...
watch yourself pray for some inspiration
some motivation
watch yourself pray for ... a solution
pray for "i know i am here"
to be the one
the be all end all
always looking for the be all end all

linty is in my lap getgin more comfortable and i am just so grateful for her.

watch yourself just want to have a good night. watch yourself just want the relief of laughing with your friend. watch yourself be so close to crying yet again today!

watch yourself notice the diappointment. it feels like
being let down like someone was holding you up cell by cell and then
let dowon
dropped

had so much hope and anticipation! so much expectation i guess. my own mind telling me what to expect. i was wrong for expecting anything.

so i feel disappointed. let down.

watch yourselffeel tired of fucking arounf with diappointment.

watch yourself try to be here now. i know i a m her. i know i am here. i know i am here.

how the fuck to do this. how the fuck to get past/transcend the fucking mind.

watch yourself keep trying, getting knocked down and trying again
watch yourself feel those memories coming back

watch yourself try to have some self worth. watch yourself try to feel better. watch yourself hear weird noises outside of your headphones. watch yourself sit here with lint in your lap. watch yourself try to focus and remember
i am here
i know i am here

i am watching the focused or not focused
it is not me
it doesn't matter if focused or not focused
i am the watcher and i don't change based on those fluctuating states.

i am watching

i know i am here
i know i am here
i know i am here
i know i am here

i feel like i should go back to thank you
but im so angry still
and disappointed and frustrated and helpless

watch yourself try to focus. watch yourself remind yourself it doesn't matter if youre focused. watchj ourself sit there.

i know i am here.
i am trying to rest in my i am
my knowing that i am
i know i am here
i know i am here
i know i am here i know i am here.

i know i am here. nothing else has to change
i know i am here
no one has to do what i want i am responsible for how i feel
i know i am here
i am here
i know i am here
i know i am here i know i am here i know i am here i know i am here i know i am here i know i am here
i know i am here

all these flashbacks to nights in my bedroom
collaging
playing music
listening to music
drawing
reading magazines
being
talking on the phone
excited about life
disappointed about a lot of things but excited a bout life

i have been burned too many times and it's time to get to fully crushing it
being myself
expressing myself without holding back
no longer afraid of what you think

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.

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