Even This Is Witnessed

Jessica Mullen

Even This Is Witnessed

Jessica Mullen
Watch yourself stand at your desk, hoping you have enough time to write uninterrupted. Watch yourself breathe out and notice your attachments. Watch yourself breathe in and look behind you out the window. watch yourself listen to linty meow about breakfast. watch yourself breathe in and try to steady yourself.

breathing in i bring energy into my crown chakra
breathing out i activate my crown chakra

breathing in i bring energy into my third eye chakra
breathing out i activate my third eye chakra

breathing in i bring energy into my throat chakra
breathing out i activate my throat chakra

breathing in i bring energy into my heart chakra
breathing out i activate my heart chakra

breathing in i bring energy into my solar plexus chakra
breathing out i activate my solar plexus chakra

breathing in i bring energy into my navel chakra
breathing out i activate my navel chakra

breathing in i bring energy into my root chakra
breathing out i activate my root chakra

thank you for healing me. thank you for making me strong. thank you for helping me feel my emotions. thank you for helping me. thank you for healing me. thank you for healing me.

watch yourself stand here and feel torn. watch yourself want to feel focused and creative and inspired and also present and spiritual and peaceful. watch yourself want to listen to mooji again. watch yourself want to have a good day. watch yourself notice your mind jumping to the same old shit over and over. watch yourself turn around to look at linty bathing.

even this is witnessed. i am witnessing my hands typing. what am i feeling?

i feel disappointed. i want more attention, more money, more love. disappointment feels like a weight in my body. like a big ass weight hanging from my neck. weighing me down. it feels heavy. it feels connected to my mom.

i intend to be curious about everything that i'm feeling. i intend to be present. i intend to make my best work. i intend to remember these two things:

EVEN THIS IS WITNESSED
and
WHAT AM I FEELING?

I intend to have the best day of my life. I intend to say yes to what is. I intend to make my best work. I intend to live the magick life. I intend to do my numbers. I intend to take care of myself. i intend to go for a long walk. i intend to love myself and not give a fuck. i intend to trust the process of life. i intend to surrender. i intend to let go of my resistance .i intend to stop mudding around in the future. i intend to relax my body. i intend to enjoy life the way it is. i intend to be flexible and flowing. i intend to feel my emotions. i intend to remember even this is witnessed.

i am saying yes to what is. yes i am standing here and my feet hurt in these sandals. yes i am breathing in and feeling a little slow. yes i am breathing out and feeling a little thick. yes i am standing here. yes i am thinking about my friends and about the past. yes i am forcing myself to breathe out all the way. yes i am breathing in. yes i am anxious. yes i am craving. yes i am hoping i make my appointments and do my gardening today. yes i am thinking about my body. yes i am alllll up in the personal. yes i am noticing all of my thoughts are personal. yes i notice my mind trying to stay personal.

yes i am breathing out. yes i am remembering that even this is witnessed. even this is witnessed. i am witnessing it all. i am noticing it all. yes i am breathing in and smelling cinnamon. yes i am breathing out and feeling disappointed in my body. yes i am breathing out. the disappointment feels heavy. it feels like trudging through life. it feels like not good enough. it feels like NOT GOOD ENOUGH. and so i want to numb and escape. it feels like not good enough. in my body it feels like caving in, like failure. like embarassment.

the disappointment in my body feels like heaviness. it feels like all my cells are pointing down and dragging to the ground. it feels like the pull of gravity but stronger. it pulls the corners of my mouth down. i hate feeling heavy. i hate feeling gravity. i hate feeling this way. i hate feeling not good enough. i HATE FEELING NOT GOOD ENOUGH. so i want to escape and numb that feeling.

what goes down must go up right?

yes i am standing here writing. yes i am rushing. yes i am breathing out. yes i am feeling the feeling of disappointment leave my body. yes i do believe feeling my emotions works. yes i intend to feel my emotions more. yes i am breathing out. yes i am noticing the birds cry and the stickiness of the air, though it's cooler than yesterday.

yes i am hoping to get back to my good attitude pre-atx. yes i am wanting to get back to fully crushing it. counting to 10k every day, doing my writing every day. reading every day. eating well, working out on schedule, walking, taking care of my body, listening to mooji. creating. feeling inspired.

i am focused. i am here now. even this is witnessed. witness the witnessed. this is witnessed. this moment is witnessed. i am aware of awareness. i am conscious of consciousness. i consciousness am here. i am making my best work. i am flexible and flowing. i am feeling better by the minute. i am feeling my emotions. i am noticing and accepting it all. i am lightening up. i am loving what is. i am trusting the process of life. i am one with life. i am focused and present. i am letting go of my thoughts. i am stepping back into witness consciousness and letting go of the personal. even this is witnessed.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.