Mad

Jessica Mullen

Mad

Jessica Mullen
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
But I'm so mad at linty for shitting in the kitchen!
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I feel so guilty for not giving her wet food but she checked the malicious button!
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
And then alexa comes on telling me to wash the bed linty barfed on last night.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I feel so uninspired to work on SoLD because I don't have any new ideas.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.

Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I am so frustrated by my chores when really I'm frustrated with myself and my lack of ideas.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
Acting like it's linty's fault i'm in a bad mood when i'm the uninspired one.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
And then I'm so annoyed by these emails I keep getting that aren't for me... like wtf.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I just hope these pants fit that are getting delivered today.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.

Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
The thoughts get so overwhelming, the thoughts of TO DO, the thoughts of I HAVEN'T DONE THIS YET, the thoughts of all the things piling up i SHOULD take care of.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
My feet hurt from standing in these kids shoes but sitting would hurt less. Take your shoes off@
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.

Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I surrender! i give up! I'm so tired of being irritated in the morning!
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
My thoughts are making me feel so bad! I just want them to leave me alone!
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
Take a deep breath. It's all working out. Everything is perfect and in its place.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
And whyyyy do I still have to crave substances, why haven't i figured this out yet!
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.

Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I'm trying to just stand here, feeling my sense of being. Pure awareness, I am.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
My mind freaks out and is like "you're still human! you still have to make money! You still have to SUCCEED!!" and i remember how much magick came out of my last bout of presence. i was so focused. and then it all slipped away after i ovulated lol.
pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I am so tired of beating myself up for shit. I am so tired of being mad at a cat. I am so tired of RESISTING. I am so tired of getting dragged into the drug of food or wanting other drugs. I am so tired of looking to the world for whether I feel good or bad.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.

Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I am so jealous of these girls on drugs, how skinny they are. How powerful they are. No i don't want to be an addict, but they make it look so easy.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I am sooo tired of being in my head thinking about this same old shit. i'm going to practice presence today just to get a fucking BREAK from myself. the personhood has GOT TO GO. i am here now. i am here today.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.

The impatience I feel is so irritating itself! Like getting mad that my site is taking too long to load. Getting mad i have to wash the cat bed when i should be grateful i still have a living cat.
Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.

Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Pure awareness, I am. Om.
I am so tired of resisting my reality. I just want to say yes to it! I know how to be happy! I know how to do this! Why am i fucking around resisting everything?!

Yes I am so irritable. Yes I am furious. Yes I am so annoyed that I keep getting interrupted. Yes I am resisting my reality. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I am angry. Yes I feel guilty for getting so annoyed. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I am breathing in. Yes I am breathing out. Yes I want to make good work. Yes I want to be inspired again. Yes I want an idea for what to make next. Yes I want to follow through on my TO DOs. Yes I want to feel better. Yes I just want to be present and stop fucking around resisting!!

Yes I am here now. Yes I am pure awareness. Yes I am so annoyed that the contrast has to get to this point before i'll decide to focus.

WELL HERE I AM DECIDING TO FOCUS FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE OK!?

PURE AWARENESS, I AM. PURE AWARENESS, I AM. Pure awareness, I am. OM.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.

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