LIGHTEN UP JESSICA

April 21, 2021
by Jessica Mullen

Watch yourself stand at your desk, hungry, disappointed and PMSing. Watch yourself play emancipator. Watch yourself try to slow your mind down. Watch yourself sneeze 3 times and want drugs. Something to take the edge off. Something to numb. Watch yourself miss the kratom, bad.

Watch yourself chat Kelly. Watch yourself smell the neighbor's oven. Watch yourself feel too warm and it's only 71.8. Watch yourself feel anxious. Watch yourself remember who am i?

WHo am I who feels anxious? Who am I who notices the emotion of anxiety? Who am I who notices a thought about instagram? Who am I who notices the sadness? Who am I who notices the thought, remember to say yes to what is?

Yes I am feeling frustrated and irritated. Yes I am breathing in. Yes I am breathing out. Yes I am feeling rushed. Yes I am annoyed that I am behind schedule when I got up early. Yes I am breathing out. yes I am annoyed.

Yes I am breathing in. Yes I am breathing out. Yes my feet hurt. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I just want to be present but my thoughts are annoying tf out of me.

Yes I am breathing in. Yes I am breathing out. Yes I am annoyed that I am so uptight. I have to FINISH MY WRITING and DO MY NUMBERS and EAT THE PERFECT THING FOR BREAKFAST and TAKE A SHOWER and WASH MY HAIR and BRAID MY HAIR and...

Yes I am fucking irritated!! Yes I hate feeling pms! Yes I am trying to find the value in this feeling! I hate this feeling! I am annoyed that I am annoyed!

Yes I am scared about this stupid vax. Yes I am annoyed with myself and my lack of self control. Yes all I want to do is control and it is not working. Yes I know control is letting go and I am having trouble letting go!!!!!

YEs I am furious with myself. Yes I am disappointed in myself. Yes I feel betrayed by my body. Yes I want to get along with my body. Yes I wish the fucking heat would stop blasting. It's fucking april 21 why is there SNOW ON THE GROUND. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I am making myself more annoyed by talking about it.

Yes I am breathing in. Yes I want something to numb me. Yes I am trying to escape these feelings. Yes I am breathing in. Yes I am breathing out. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I am irritated. Yes I want to go home!!! Yes I am frustrated. Yes I am furious. Yes I am pissed. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I feel like a failure. Yes I want to feel better! I just want to be pure awareness! I want these thoughts to leave me alone! I want to loosen up! I want to be flexible and flowing! I want to know what to eat! I want to feel better! I want to like myself! I want to feel good! I want to feel better!

Yes I am breathing in. Yes I guess I am feeling a little better, but eeverything still feels like it's grating on a raw nerve. Yes I feel sensitive. Yes I feel irritable. Yes I feel frustrated with my body. Yes I am wishing for more self control. yes i know control is letting go. yes i know that what i want to control is where i need love. yes love sounds annoying right now. yes i am still burning up after taking off my hoodie. Yes I am breathing out> yes i am breathing out. Yes I am so annoyed with myself!

Yes I am frustrated and annoyed. Yes I am frustrated and annoyed.

Yes I just want to be peaceful and enjoy my life. Yes I just want to enjoy my life. yes I just want to enjoy my life. Yes I just want to feel better. Yes I want to be nicer to my body. Yes I want to get along with my body. Yes I want to be pure awareness i am. Yes I want to be focused. Yes i want to do my numbers. Yes I want to shower. Yes I want to release this frustration. Yes I want to like myself and my life. Yes I am so annoyed at myself for feeling this way.

Yes I am so annoyed that this happens every month. Yes I am so fucking annoyed that I gained weight. Yes I am so fucking furious I could explode. It makes me want to scream I HATE MYSELF!!!! Yes I am aware that this is an... issue. Yes I want to feel better. Yes I am so patient and conscious when it comes to anything BUT MY FUCKING BODY. Yes I am so annoyed. Yes I am so furious. Yes I need to get this poison OUT OF ME. Yes I am furious. Yes I want to feel better. Yes I want to be pure awareness and not TRIFLE with these PATHETIC thoughts.

Yes I want to feel better. Yes I want to feel in control of my vibration. Yes I want some new music to listen to. Yes I want to feel good about life. Yes I want to feel better. Yes I want to enjoy my life. Yes I want to easily effortless lose these 6-10 fucking pounds. Yes I need to LIGHTEN UP! Yes I need TO LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP!

Yes I am wishing I felt better. Yes I am sick of this album. Yes I am playing a house playlist now. Yes I am fucking hungry. Yes I am annoyed. Yes I want to feel better.

WHAT IS THE PAIN MAKING YOU ASK FOR?!
fucking SELF CONTORL
self love
pure awareness i am
mental discipline, focus.
FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF
or at least able to step away from these thoughts!

What I REALLY want is to LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP!!!

To do: