WATCH YOURSELF
Watch yourself breathe in and feel crabby
watch yourself breathe out and wonder if it really is the caffeine
watch yourself breathe out and worry about what your family thinks about you
watch yourself breathe in and realize you worry about that a lot
watch yourself breathe out and say I DONT GIVE A FUCK!

Watch yourself breathe in and want to get this class over with!
watch your breathe out and tell yourself this is an opportunity to practice letting go of control
this is an opportunity to make peace with what is
this is an opportunity to feel good regardless of your circumstance
this is an opportunity to stop suffering
this is an opportunity to get the fuck out of your resistance
I'M IN IT
I HATE RESISTANCE

watch yourself hate resistance. watch yourself hate thinking about things you have to do when you have to do this fucking 30 minute workout. watch yourself hate that you have to wait for someone else to be ready to do it. watch yourself wish you could just get it OVER WITH. watch yourself wish you could just do it FIRST THING WHEN YOU GET UP after your coffee before anything else

watch yourself try to relax. having is evidence of wanting. watch yourself want to go for a run. watch yourself want to feel better. watch yourself feel sick of winter. watch yourself feel sick of your routine. watch yourself be mad. watch yourself be annoyed that you're mad. watch yourself wonder
WHAT CAN I TAKE
watch yourself see how you rebel by hurting yourself
o it's like that? then fine, i'll just do this self destructive thing

watch yourself breathe in
watch yourself breathe out

watch yourself want to stop resisting for good!
how can i stop resisting so much!!!???

watch yourself want to act out and rebel but really you probably need fresh air
watch yourself want to just GET ALL THIS STUFF OVER WITH!!
watch yourself want to speed up time! watch yourself freak out!

watch yourself chew gum, it's a little early in the day for this don't you think!
watch yourself want to just smoke and watch tv
ugh
watch yourself want to feel better. watch yourself want to feel inspired. watch yourself feel mad you haven't made more progress on the brochure yet and tonight you have to post your video.

i want to make a brochure that would make me feel better RIGHT NOW
when i'm resisting my day
when i've given away my power
when i'm worried and anxious and overwhelmed
when i keep thinking "WHAT CAN I TAKE? WHAT CAN I EAT? WHAT CAN I CONSUME THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL WHOLE?"

what is your contrast?
i want the hard stuff to be over
or i want to not dread the hard stuff

what are you dreading?
30 minutes of hiit
going to rite aid
working on this brochure

what are you looking forward to?
lunch
dinner
smoking
posting my vid
relaxing/reading

what would make you feel better?
getting this class and errand over with

how will you feel when they're over?
energized, confident, proud of myself, enthusiastic

why can't you feel that way now?
because my thoughts of dread

choose to feel that way now
energized, confident, proud of yourself, enthusiastic!

I AM ENERGIZED! I AM CONFIDENT! I AM PROUD OF MYSELF! I AM ENTHUSIASTIC!

I am making my best work! I am flexible and flowing. I am letting go of my resistance.

I am surrendering my preferences. I am whole now. The only thing ever missing is god.
How to get god right here right now?
( watch yourself go on instagram to avoid the question)

how to get god right here right now?
thank you
yes
i am loving what is
already perfect, wow

that isn't me (to negative thoughts/emotions)
NO THOUGHT IS TRUE (to judging/shoulding thoughts)

counting

well all i can do is watch my thoughts and make some shit up
watch yourself think

my neck is achy
that's not me

the sun is coming out
the sun is going away

i want to feel better
that's not me

i should put my standing desk back up
that's not me
NO THOUGHT IS TRUE

my hands are fucked up
that's not me

i am disgusted by familiarity
that's not me
it's like i'm just resisting because i'm not focused
i just need to focus

i have plenty of things to do
finish the writing
do my journaling
count
work on the brochure

i would be so happy if i would just stop resisting the future!
cut out the emotion of dread permanently
a permanent dread-ectomy

what are you dreading
working out
going to rite aid
making a dr appt
battling cravings
being irritated

i am so excited to work out!
i am so excited to go to rite aid!
i am so excited to make my dr appt!
i am so excited to overcome my cravings!
i am so excited to transcend my irritation!

I am finding god in this moment.

body is uncomfortable
say yes to what is
yes i am uncomfortable! i am so excited to be uncomfortable! i am so excited to be comfortable!

i just want to surrender to the now and i'm afraid to surrender because i'm afraid i'll lose my motivation
but not surrendering saps my motivation WAY faster because i'm draining my energy with thinking and resisting

so i surrender
i give up
i let go

to my thoughts i say
that's not me
or
no thought is true

and the rest of the time i say...
yes
thank you
it's already perfect, wow!
i am LOVING what is!

I am focused. I am saying yes to what is. I am so grateful for what is. It's already perfect, wow! I am LOVING what is!

I AM IN IT!

Today's list:

1. Grit
2. Post vid
3. Rite Aid
4. Brochure
5. Record
6. Make dough