Choose Enthusiasm!

Jessica Mullen

Choose Enthusiasm!

Jessica Mullen
Just say yes.
Yes is the language of enthusiasm!
Choose enthusiasm!
Yes to negativity!
Yes to dry skin!
Yes to lack of motivation!
Yes to my bad attitude!
Yes to being the opposite of flexible and flowing!
Yes to this mediocre album!
Yes to feeling uncomfortable!
Yes remembering I can be the watcher!

Watch yourself sit in the chair and start feeling better. Watch yourself worry about your dry skin lol and lighten the fuck up. Watch yourself remember the self destruction. Watch yourself want to check for evidence. Watch yourself feel a little hungry. Watch yourself feel generally anxious and worried and know this too shall pass.

Watch yourself like the song that's playing and feel a little better. Watch yourself remember the power of the watcher. Watch yourself beat yourself up for forgetting to be the watcher. Watch yourself be mad at yourself for lazy thinking.

I forgive myself for lazy thinking.

Watch yourself want to catch a wind, almost catching a wind, catching a wind. Watch yourself want to be more productive.

Watch yourself want to cry about missing a period. Watch yourself cry about getting older. Watch yourself feel depressed because it's your last kratom day. Watch yourself cling to youth. Watch yourself feel like you haven't accomplished enough. Watch yourself feel very sad. Watch yourself look around for your handkerchief. Watch yourself wish you would write more eloquently.

Watch yourself have to pee and not want to get up. Watch yourself notice the flickering light from the sun streaming through the leaves. Watch yourself want to be present and not thinking about periods and kratom. Watch yourself feel sad because you feel like you wasted your life. Watch yourself feel sad. Watch yourself feel sad. Watch yourself feel sad.

Watch yourself remember you need to take a pic for this post. Watch yourself wish you could catch a wind. Watch yourself feel guilty for overeating. Watch yourself feel guilty for feeling guilty about overeating.

Watch yourself sniffle because you cried a few tears. Watch yourself feel hungrier. Watch yourself breathe out and remember you can direct your watching.

Watch yourself breathe in and feel better.
Watch yourself breathe out and feel annoyed about typos. Watch yourself feel the observer kind of smirking behind you. Watch yourself feel that you could become the observer any second.

Watch yourself ponder your cousins and why you weren't invited to the wedding. Watch yourself wonder what other people think. Watch yourself go crazy in your head, screaming, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!" And you truly don't, when you really think about it.

Watch yourself notice the exception to that which is your parents. Watch yourself wish your parents would... Idk. They really do all they can. Watch yourself feel greedy. Watch yourself feel like a brat.

Watch yourself feel sickened by the word perimenopause. Watch yourself feel annoyed.

Watch yourself like the song that's playing. Watch yourself want more attention. Watch yourself remember that the watcher can provide attention. Watch yourself breathe in and relax a little.

Watch yourself breathe out and want to fill out your journals. Watch yourself wish you could catch a wind to do your work, namely record 3 tiktoks, record a meditation, and do your ASU for the BM journal (pasting in the completed exercises).

Watch yourself happy your memory will improve with a break from kratom. Watch yourself want to order more kratom but not really. Watch yourself remember you are eager to meet the aliens.

Watch yourself want to catch a wind and then go on twitter instead. Watch yourself breathe out. Watch yourself want to be done with these mood swings. Watch yourself hope your mood improves with the kratom break.

Watch yourself feel uneasy. Watch yourself want to feel better and know it's a challenge bc you are attached to kratom and not really wanting it to end. Watch yourself feel a little relief that at least you understand why you feel this way.

Watch yourself want to not need crutches. Watch yourself remember how obsessed with crutches you were as a child. Watch yourself wonder why... I guess for attention>??

Watch yourself feel numb. Watch yourself hope you weigh less tomorrow, and wish you would only weigh yourself once a week.

Watch yourself wonder who reads this. Watch yourself cringe at the thought of your family reading this but oh well this is who I am take it or leave it. Don't like me at my stream of consciousness diary writing, don't deserve me at my acquiescing smiling easygoing holiday guest.

Watch yourself want to tweet anything remotely interesting. Watch yourself wonder what the fuck that song was that you woke up with in your head. WAtch yourself feel excited that dinner is in 18 minutes. One less minestrone to eat.

Watch yourself feel bad for having a bad attitude. Watch yourself want to get along better. Watch yourself wonder why children were not for you. Watch yourself come up with reasons, mostly that it's so painful to be here and you don't want to force that on anyone else. Let other people make that choice to inflict pain. It's not in your nature.

Watch yourself wish for more attention. Watch yourself wish for a million more youtube subscribers, or at least 10,000 to start. Watch yourself wonder what you can do to get there. You hear feeling is the secret. What would it feel like to have a million youtube subs?

- Exciting
- Deserving

What would be afraid of if you had a million youtube subs?
I would be afraid of being doxxed, raped and murdered in my home lol. I would be afraid of being stalked and being unable to protect myself. I would be afraid of people being too obsessed with me. I would feel unsafe!

Ok. So how can you make peace with feeling unsafe in order to get what you want?

Watch yourself know that the only safety is presence, and that is absolutely the only thing you can do to get closer to what you want. Remember, presence is where you can speak the language of the world. It's where the omens are.

Right here, right now is where the omens are.
Pwny coming to eat is an omen, but then she walked away and that is also an omen.
Linty in your lap is an omen.
A good song coming on is an omen.
The beautiful light coming through the blinds is an omen.

The only safety is presence.
And if I am present, I don't have those fears about safety. When I am present, I am not concerned about my success or my subscribers or my safety or people being obsessed with me. When I am present, I am complete and whole and listening to the language of the world, speaking the language of the world. It's all written in the breath.

And just like that I have written my words.

It is written.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.
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