Watch Yourself

Jessica Mullen

Watch Yourself

Jessica Mullen
Watch yourself feel anxious about biking. Watch yourself remember to breathe. Watch yourself relax a little bit. Watch yourself remember to breathe out completely. Watch yourself keep breathing out. Watch yourself keep breathing out.

Watch yourself feel relieved you don't have to come up with anything to write about. Watch yourself feel relieved you don't have to force gratitude. Watch yourself feel anxious about biking. Watch yourself listen to the song change. Watch yourself inhale.

Watch yourself feel rushed to leave. Watch yourself notice your heart beating. Watch...

Watch yourself feel anxious. Watch yourself feel on edge. Watch yourself feel so irritated. Watch yourself listen to a new song. Watch yourself feel tired of this. Watch yourself feel guilty for being crabby. Watch yourself count calories. Watch yourself listen to the bells in the song. WAtch yourself inhale. Watch yourself exhale.

Watch yourself clear your throat. Watch yourself notice a rumble in your stomach. Watch yourself feel like pouting. Watch yourself feel like crying, 2 nights in a row. Watch yourself remember that you did cry this morning.

Watch yourself feel so distracted. Watch yourself question yourself. Watch yourself wonder what you'll record about. Watch yourself wonder if you should even keep making the videos. Watch yourself get a phone call from UNKNOWN.

Watch the call go through to google after declining it on your phone. Watch the song get more intricate. Watch your stomach feel weird, is it hungry or is it too full? Watch yourself wonder if you ate too much. Watch yourself breathe in.
Watch yourself breathe out.

Watch yourself feel relieved because you caught a full breath. Watch yourself remember COVID is a thing. Watch yourself want to check twitter. Watch yourself wanting to post on twitter constantly. Watch yourself desperate for attention. AS if attention could keep you alive.

Watch yourself listen to a new song start. Watch yourself feel annoyed at the lighting in this room, again. Watch yourself become aware of the trayble to your right. The stack of traybles, actually.

Watch yourself wish you had a better chair. Watch yourself arch your back in an attempt to stop the ache. Watch yourself arrange your legs criss cross applesauce. Watch yourself feel uneasy. Watch yourself feel like not good enough. Watch yourself feel pathetic, watch yourself feel like a loser. Watch yourself breathe out. Watch yourself clear your throat.

Watch yourself with curiosity. It's easier to be curious when looking at things this way. Like it's not even me feeling like a loser. Just this person I'm watching.

Watch yourself breathe in. Watch yourself notice the laminated eyeball on the wall. Watch yourself breathe out. Watch yourself getting hooked into the beat of watching. Watch yourself not want to do anything else but watch. Watch yourself debating skipping posting a video today. Watch yourself feel tense in your hands. Watch yourself wish you could get more comfortable. Watch yourself notice the floaters in your vision. Watch yourself remember the boopie you just ate. Watch yourself feel down. Watch yourself feel tense. Watch yourself feel lazy, lethargic, depressed.

Watch yourself like where this song is going. Watch yourself enjoy the guitars and the build up. Watch yourself think about nine inch nails. Watch yourself feel uneasy. Watch yourself want to change. Watch yourself breathe in.
Watch yourself breathe out. Watch yourself feel like going to sleep. Watch yourself desire a better attitude. Watch yourself want to feel better. Watch yourself feel like a loser. Watch yourself want to change.

Watch yourself space out. Watch yourself breathe in. Watch yourself feel unfocused. Watch yourself feel uneasy. Watch yourself want to feel easy. Watch yourself want to feel better. Watch yourself feel uncomfortable. Watch yourself be glad that at least you already brushed your teeth.

WAtch yourself want to go to sleep. Watch yourself want to curl up in a ball and cry. Watch yourself desperately hope that this emotionality is pms. Watch yourself get annoyed with yourself. Watch yourself get annoyed. Watch yourself notice the cold breeze on your leg.

Watch yourself recognize the depeche mode song coming on. Watch yourself breathe in. Watch yourself breathe out.

Watch yourself feel lonely. Watch yourself feel angry. Watch yourself feel low energy. Watch yourself want to feel better. Watch yourself want to feel better. Watch yourself feel so much longing to feel better. Watch yourself relaxing more into the chair. Watch yourself want to stay in the watcher perspective forever. Watch yourself wish for something to look forward to. Watch yourself wish to be fearless. Watch yourself wish for attention and kindness.

Watch yourself want to relax. Watch yourself want to feel better. Watch yourself breathe in. Watch yourself feel bored, but at least it's better than sad. Watch yourself breathe out. Watch yourself relax into the chair a little more. Watch yourself mute your music so you can hear what's going on. Watch yourself notice the birds chirping and dogs barking. Watch yourself want to explode into a billion pieces, flatten out into a sheet of water that will burst when it hits the sidewalk.

Watch yourself look at the word count. 848 words. Watch yourself wonder why the spell of watching is sort of broken. Watch yourself listen to the airplane fly by. Watch yourself admonish yourself and tell yourself to have a better attitude.

Watch yourself breathe in. Watch yourself breathe in some more and yawn. Watch yourself breathe out. Watch yourself wonder when you'll feel better. Watch yourself breathe in. Watch yourself want to feel better, still. Watch yourself hope that you can pull it together to record a couple good videos.

Watch yourself feel scared. Watch yourself want that beginner's mind back. Watch yourself wonder what people on twitter are doing. Watch yourself crave a shot! Watch yourself just wish for a massage, some relaxation, some being taken care of. Watch yourself feel undeserving of such things. Watch yourself wonder what your value is.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.
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