Today I got up around 830. Did the laundry, scooped the litter. Made a fresh pot. Meditated until 5700. Did handstands.

K got up and we went on the balcony. I ate my usual yogurt and granola. It was so nice out! Then we packed up our orders real quick and walked to the mailbox before it got picked up. Came home and went in the backyard for over an hour. Hooped and lied on the snoopy blanket. I was hesitant but it was fun. It makes me uncomfortable to be the neighbor playing loud music. But I'm glad we spent so much time outside on this beautiful day.

Came in and made lunch, leftover sweet potatoes and an egg with that tahini sauce. Had a few chocolate covered espresso beans. Meditated and I fell asleep for a moment. Then I ate an apple and had my third cup of coffee... I'm feeling tired and drained and boring today! I want to have a good attitude!

But i have to let go and let god appear as the abundant all sufficiency in my life and affairs.

I feel so bored........... I just want to order pizza and veg out. I feel like I've been holding onto control so tightly. Trying to get back to 115lbs, (117 today), trying to get up early every day, trying not to overeat ever, trying to exercise as much as I can, trying to keep up with my habits, trying to scroll a TEENY TINY BIT less.

I just want to feel creative and in the flow. I want to feel inspired but all I want to do is eat and sleep. We're supposed to make lasagna for dinner. I feel so fucking lazy. I feel a little... trapped. As I'm sure most people do. I just want to have fun! I mean I've been training for this quar my whole life but I just wish I had more energy.

I want to feel energized and inspired and motivated and in the flow. I want to know what to do. I want to feel light. I want to feel the best I've ever felt. I want to play and laugh and have fun! I want to feel creative! I want to feel hyphy! I want to feel great! I want to feel better! I want to feel the flow! I want to feel energized! I want to feel flow! I want to feel relief! I want to feel fun! I want to feel playful! I want to make my best work! I want to know what to make! I want to feel energized! I want to feel flow! I want to remember how to be present! I want to eat everything! I want pizza delivery! I want speed! I want drugs in the mail! I want checks in the mail! I want so many orders I don't have time to question my self worth! I want so many orders I don't have time to be bored! I want to feel grateful and appreciate what I have!

I want to have a good book to read! I want to feel empowered! I want to wash the flawcet! I want to get so much attention for my work! I want to be successful! I want to be in a great mood! I want to feel better! I want to feel energized! I want to feel relieved! I want to feel comfortable ordering pizza! I want to feel fearless! I want to feel light and fun and free! I want to have fun! I want to go to the beach! I want to interact with strangers! I want to feel attractive and fun and playful! I want to feel the best I've ever felt!

I want to feel energized! I want to feel creative! I want to feel relieved! I want to feel like consciously creating! I want to have fun! I want to feel free! I want to feel better! I want to feel strong and attractive and beautiful! I want to have fun! I want to be fun! I want to play! I want to see friends! I want friends! I want to let go and let god! I want to enjoy life! I want to enjoy being! I want to trust the process! i want to stop thinking! I want my thoughts to fuck off! I want my thoughts to FUCK OFF!!!!

Wouldn't it be nice to feel better? Wouldn't it be nice to feel confident ordering pizza? Wouldn't it be nice to get a bunch more orders and sales and subs today? Wouldn't it be nice to get good news? Wouldn't it be nice to feel relieved? Wouldn't it be nice to surrender? Wouldn't it be nice to not give a fuck? Wouldn't it be nice to let it unfold? Wouldn't it be nice to LET GO AND LET GOD?

Today I intend to feel better. I intend to feel energized. I intend to love myself and not give a fuck. I intend to lighten up. I intend to have fun. I intend to wash the flawcet. I intend to be kind to myself. i intend to be patient. I intend to appreciate what I have. I intend to love myself and not give a fuck. I intend to go with the flow. I intend to stop thinking. I intend to feel better. I intend to feel better and better!

I intend to trust the process. I intend to let go and let god. I intend to go within. I intend to love myself and not give a fuck. I intend to be here now. I intend to feel better. I intend to take care of myself. I intend to be fun. I intend to laugh. I intend to feel relieved. I intend to feel better. I intend to trust. I intend to say yes and thank you. I intend to NOT GIVE A FUCK!