Today I got up at 8:30 again. Did my meditation stuff and started the pee rags in the laundry. Started my counting. Eventually got to 10k today! K got up and we sat in the sun on the balcony for a long time. And I made a spinach smoothie for us to drink in the sunshine. It was delicious. I cleaned up the litter, we meditated, and probably did some other stuff... idk. But then we ate lunch (potatoes rice and beans with taco bell sauce) and talked about our site for a while.

I read a little bit from the Surrender Experiment. And now I am here. I am feeling tired and lazy today. I am listening to Red Scare trying to get inspired. Inspired to what, idk. Laugh? Eat less? Idk.

I guess I need a nap.

I am learning to watch the activity.

What's the activity?
I want to find some good music to listen to
i wish things were different ha
i want to feel inspired to record a great video
i want to be popular and successful
i want to relax
i want a massage
i want to celebrate how far we've come!
we got a new subscriber today! SO FUCKING GRATEFUL FOR SUBSCRIBERS!

ok i can choose to feel better
i can choose to listen to music i like
here we go
pearl jam lol? ok

vs. it is
wow what a different time it was in 1993
thinking i need to switch to a standing desk very soon

i am in the flow i am choosing to be in the flow

here are the things i want to "get done"
- post my new nudes
- write thank you cards for my bday
- finish the taxes
- send out that email newsletter
- proofread deck + export new cards
- record a new video

i want the wild horses to do all that
i also want to
- sew the button on my jorts
- stick to my meal plan
- paint the pocket on my hoodie
- have a good attitude, stoic, playful, free from desire lol

ok wild horses please come do my work for me!

and i want to read and stay the fuck off my phone!
I WANT TO STAY THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE!!!!

no checking youtube
no checking instagram
no checking twitter
no checking email

just taking pix, entering calories, done
and i already did myfitnesspal for the day so i shouldn't need to add anything

ok back to focusing!

I INTEND TO FEEL INSPIRED! I intend to convert to a standing desk! I intend to practice my handstands! I intend to feel good about myself! I intend to be confident and attractive! I intend to have a good attitude! I intend to appreciate how far I've come! I intend to love yeah love! I intend to make my best work! I intend to feel good about life! I intend to enjoy this time! I fucking love quar!

I am so grateful for my health. I am so grateful for this home. I am so grateful for my wife and kitties. I am so grateful for my friends and family. I am so grateful for this breath. I am so grateful for my health!!! I am so grateful for clean water to drink. I am so grateful for indoor plumbing. I am so grateful for the heat and humidifiers. I am so grateful for plenty of internet! I am so grateful to have plenty of time! I am so grateful to have electricity and a fridge! I am so grateful to have music to listen to! I am so grateful to have people I am inspired by! I am so grateful to be here now!

I am so grateful to be here now. I am so grateful to have plenty of food and coffee. I am so grateful to live where we live. I am so grateful to have my photo collection. I am so grateful the bills are paid. I am so grateful for new subscribers! I am so grateful to lighten up and start enjoying the day! I am so grateful I can watch the activity!!

I am so gratefuL I can learn to enjoy this feeling. I am so grateful I can be here now.
What's the activity?
SO tired of straining my neck for technology
but i am so grateful for technology!
i'm tired
i wish i was nicer to myself
i should smile
breathing in i know i'm breathing in
breathing out i know i'm breathing out

this song sounds like the 80s
life was so simple then
i guess i wanted to experience the complexities of life
i like life i like where i am now

just wish i felt better
ok here is where the addiction comes in

i've noticed i feel tired and lazy and uninspired and unmotivated and that's ok!
i've noticed i feel unmotivated and that's ok!
i've noticed i feel unmotivated and that's ok!
i've noticed i just want to trip out in a blacklight dorm room and that's ok!

i've noticed that noticing helps me feel better and that's ok!
i've noticed i am feeling better and that's ok!
i've noticed my mind is panicking thinking about the future and that's ok!

WHAT'S THE ACTIVITY?
i've noticed it's a little sunnier and that's ok!
i've noticed i am second guessing my techniques for noticing and that's ok!
i've noticed i want to have ONE FINAL PRESENCE TECHNIQUE THAT WORKS FOREVER AND EVER and that's ok!
i've noticed i want to check out and that's ok!
i've noticed i want to drink and that's ok!
i've noticed i want drugs and that's ok!
i've noticed i want to numb and escape and that's ok!
i've noticed I want to feel focused and that's ok!
i've noticed I want to have epiphanies and that's ok!
i've noticed I wish I could go unconscious and that's ok!
i've noticed i'm letting myself get drained by thinking and that's ok!

what's the activity?

CHECKING FOR EVIDENCE IS THE BEST WAY TO KEEP THE EVIDENCE I WANT FROM APPEARING

i've noticed i've been caring about what other people think and that's ok!
i've noticed i am distracted and that's ok!

i've noticed i want watching my thoughts to be easier! i've noticed i want to be the watcher and that's ok!
I INTEND TO CHECK MY EMAIL WAY LESS! I INTEND TO CHECK INSTA WAY LESS! I INTEND TO CHECK YOUTUBE WAY LESS!!

i intend to check markets way less! I intend to stop checking for evidence! I intend to stay the fuck off my phone and read or just do nothing instead!