Woke up around 9. Kelly got up shortly after me, right after I drank my coffee. We hung out in my office for a little bit and had breakfast (yogurt and granola). I filled out my MMR and cleaned up the litter and filled the humidifiers etc. Somehow we managed to work out by 1230 or so! We did grit cardio 28. I feel so much stronger! I am getting so much better at that class!

Then K showered and I transcribed my video. I showered right after her and she started the laundry. After I showered, we ate lunch, minestrone and brown rice again. I did the dishes while she dealt with the laundry. Then we meditated and I fell asleep for a quick second. I got up right away after to get the laundry out of the dryer, bring in the garbage cans, and then I brought in all our quarantined instacart groceries from yesterday. We are stocked on tomato products and cereal now! I am so grateful to have plenty to eat. I am so grateful to have grocery delivery!

ANd THEN we learned instacart workers are striking on monday, so we are SO SO SO BLESSED and grateful to have gotten our order in before then! It was a miracle really.

I also opened our quarantined amazon packages. Shipping labels, garbage bags, thread for the sewing machine, and a pee rag can! We are transitioning totally away from toilet paper! We are thrilled! So we got a swinging lid can for the rags and k is making a bunch more today. We haven't even busted into our last TP package yet! SO GRATEFUL FOR A BIDET AND SEWING MACHINE TO MAKE THE RAGS!!

So I put away the groceries and ate some boopie and now I'm here. My hands are so very dry from washing all the time. I was in a great mood this morning but I'm feeling a little coffee spun and unfocused.

I am just so grateful to have groceries and a wife and kitties and a safe warm home. I am so grateful to have plenty. I am so grateful to have what I do. I am so grateful to have plenty.

As for the Prosperity Plan, I am really trying to keep my focus on "watching the activity" but I guess my attention has waned today. I really want to remember to stay aware of the god self within! I feel a little low energy now and I get so frustrated that I can't keep my focus all the time!

Tonight we are having home made tomato flax crackers with goat cheese. I need to snap out of this funk! It's not even a funk, just low energy because I'm unfocused and too lazy to do anything about it. Well I guess i'm writing about it so that's something. I just feel like complaining I guess. So let's turn it around shall we?

I am so happy and grateful to have my health! I am so grateful to have my wife and kitties and health and home. I am so grateful to have plenty of resources. I am so grateful to have sales and orders! I am so grateful to have enough. I am so grateful to have people who love and support me. I am so grateful my parents are doing well. I am so grateful my siblings are doing well. I am so grateful to have enough. I am so grateful to have a computer and internet. I am so grateful to be in the right place at the right time!!

Someone left me such a nice youtube comment, saying, "You really matter!" It really helped. I guess I have been feeling like I don't matter. I get so caught up in the metrics and analytics of my dumb little videos. I check my sub count way too often. I wish I was more successful! I keep beating myself up for not being more successful! Jeez I really do beat myself up a lot. I wonder where I learned it from lol. I just wish I could stop!

I intend to stop beating myself up!! I intend to be more successful. I intend to appreciate where I am. I intend to celebrate my life the way it is. I intend to appreciate life the way it is. I intend to focus and do my work and stop caring if other people like it! I intend to go with the flow and let what comes come!

I intend to be kinder and more loving and compassionate. I intend to be more compassionate.

I intend to be kind to myself. I intend to focus my attention!!! I intend to be here now!!

I intend to do my work. I intend to feel better. I intend to be here now! I intend to be my reason for feeling good! I intend to remember I matter! I intend to feel good about myself! I intend to trust the process of life! I intend to be at peace with what is. I intend to watch the activity. I intend to watch the activity.

What's the activity?
I am so over it
I am in the flow
I am letting go
I am so tired of being dry
I want appetite suppressants
I want to feel in control
i hate being out of control

What's the activity
i go on my phone to record 1 tootsie roll eaten and i'm lost on the gram for 10 minutes
i need to be less serious about food or it will backfire
i am attached to my current body
i just might need to cry
my back is so tense
i want a massage
i want to be told it will all be ok
why am i always the one who has to say it
my back is TIGHT
everytime i order groceries i feel so excited then when they're put away i feel so low
like, the manifestation never feels as good as the ordering and knowing it's on the way. the anticipation is better than the manifestation. same goes for most pills... the time between swallowing it and it kicking in feels the best

how to capitalize on that
how to stop thinking in terms of capitalization
i let it get up to 67% humidity in here, i should probably open the door

i just want to feel inspired and good

what feels fun?
eating
taking drugs
getting orders
getting compliments
getting a massage
shopping
going for a walk
being in nature
being in a forest
opening the windows
feeling better
balling
resting
reading a book that is actually good
getting good news
i guess recording?
tired of sitting in this chair!!!!