can finally feel again for real now
today was just 3 cups of coffee
and herbal remedies all day
back to where i started 3 years ago
wasn't even 1 year sober
still scared to slip
still thinking about going to walgreens to get something anything

but kratom helped me through and i am so grateful to it
now i am almost 4 years sober and i love it so much
but
i still gotta watch out for fomo
old loves
old habits patterns thought
slippery slipping me in like a whirlpool in a river rapid
you can get sucked back in
pulled back under
and it would be such sweet relief for a minute
to travel back in time
but the parallel reality would be ... incomplete
never fully able to return to then or now

so i stay here now
trying to remember to watch my breath
think
(breathing in) I
(breathing out) AM

or ...
In
Out

or
Love yeah love

Gotta let those thoughts go gotta let the obsession go gotta let go gotta let go of the old grooves
keep going in the direction of the continuously unfolding present moment
stay out of illusion
(accidentally wrote illinois at first, quite the slip)

I have little energy to do anything because I'm sore and trying to do this thing on my own. But I feel good in my body. I ate great food today. I had energy to do dishes and make a loaf of bread and do the books and meditate without taking a nap. Tomorrow the goal is mailbox and obtain some la croix. I can do it. I am learning to fly.

Breathing in I love myself
Breathing out I don't give a fuck

Breathing in I love myself
Breathing out I don't give a fuck

feeling so nostalgic and missing a former version of my life, where i drank and had so very many friends. but what connected us more than anything was alcohol. i would just love to find a way to do that sober.

I know it's on the way!

Thank you for bringing it to us.

I am working on collecting my focus. Did part of a cult of counting page. Keke is sewing. I feel... like I want to express myself but I don't know how.

I'm just so excited for natural energy to return to me. I want to make art that helps me be here now.
I want to be energized enough to move my body, do some hand stands and hooping and ajing.
I need to be upside down!

I am so close on my projects...
- write the thank yous in the morning
- do the orders in the morning
- record in the morning
- refresh the altar
- post my vid tomorrow

I can do it I can catch a wind I can choose to feel better I am catching a wind right now I am doing me I am doing the next right thing i am remembering my inspiration and motivation i am doing everything right it's all working out for me it's going to work out i am still feeling good i am doing what i said i was going to do i am following through i am doing the next right thing i am doing the next right thing i am doing the next right thing!

I intend to have the best night of my life! I intend to make my best work! I intend to go with the flow! I intend to count! I intend to breathe! I intend to love myself and not give a fuck! I intend to have good ideas! I intend to love yeah love! I intend to remember presence is all that matters! Presence is all I want!

I intend to enjoy being. I intend to love. I intend to relax into the now. I intend to celebrate and enjoy life tonight. I intend to be here now and stop thinking about the past or imaginary future. I intend to just be here now. Love yeah love. In out. I am.
In out love yeah love I am
I am love yeah love in out
in out i am love yeah love
in out i am love yeah love
in out i am love yeah love
in out i am love yeah love
in out i am love yeah love
in out i am love yeah love

in out i am love yeah love
i don't care what other people think
i stand by what i said
in out i am love yeah love
i am turning over a new leaf again and again
every day with this!
i am choosing to be inspired and motivated tonight! I am choosing to feel good! I am choosing to express myself! I am choosing to express myself! I am the king of fire! I am the creator! I am the king of wands! I am the entrepreneur!

I am choosing to express myself. I am choosing to love yeah love. I am choosing to be light and have fun. i am choosing to focus my attention. I am choosing to practice handstands and be in my body and record my video. I am choosing to follow through on writing these cards. I am following through on what I want my life to be like> I am choosing habits today that give me the future I want.
Discipline. Standing up to my thoughts. Standing up to my thoughts. Standing up to my thoughts. I am choosing to stand up to my thoughts.

I can do it I can follow through I can choose to not skip these things and I can do them today. I can choose good luck I can choose a good mood I can choose abundance and flow and that is what I choose!

Dear Jessica,
You're doing great! You're doing everything right! Congratulate yourself! Be nice to yourself! You deserve it! You are a star and you are DOING IT!