So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! So happy and grateful to have the best wife in the world! So happy and grateful to be in my own home for the holidays! So happy and grateful to feel like I'm coming back into the flow!
MAJOR MANIS/MIRACLES TODAY
- no security guard at rite aid telling us to leave our backpacks behind the counter
- rite aid had my fav rock start flav
- got to FT jenny!!
- had the energy to do pump!!
- did handstands!
- weighed 118 what??
- got to order pizza and tip hard and it was so hot and fast and good!
- i feel better than i have in days!
- i can see my aura again!
- i can TALK TO MY PLEIADIAN FRIENDS AGAIN!
- i counted to 10,300 today!
- I FEEL BETTER!!!!! my energy is returning! my optimism is returning!
- it was 56º in cle!!
So happy and grateful to be here now! So happy and grateful to get to rest and relax. So happy and grateful to have our fun projects. SO happy and grateful to WANT to do my work! Here is my pending work for the week...
- post the SoLD meditation video on falling asleep
- proof the new zine, photograph it, put together an email about it
- photograph the no fucks notepads
- promo the new meditation in the email
- make a $5/off digital journal sale and promo it in the email
- post my own meditation video
- return my emails
- take a trip
- be here now and remember there is no where to go!
So today is day 5 completely off kratom. Thank GOD I threw out my stash because I never would have made it this far if I still had it! It's going better. I had enough energy to work out and count and do dishes and vacuum and do chores. I only had to lay down a couple times. The sudafed is really helping and i took some advil today that is helping and I'm going to bust out the valerian tonight and we split a rockstar today and i had a coke so I had plenty of caffeine and all that helped a lot. But mostly I'm getting my magick back and feeling much less rushed and more present, which was the whole goal of quitting.
Kratom was such an ego-driven habit. I used it to get things done. But then I wasn't present when I was doing them. I just wanted to achieve and check things off a list, and check out of my life. Be numb. But I am seeing now that it is fun and good to trust the perfect timing of life and my guidance system. It is a good thing to rest when I am tired and work when I am inspired. The kratom helped me develop a lot of discipline that I think will still carry over, like being more deliberate about my diet and exercise and getting my fun work done.
I am just grateful I got out when I did. I'm grateful to have this stretch of holiday time that is relaxed. I am grateful I have nowhere to be and time to recover. It just feels like getting over the flu. Not that much energy but my taste for life is coming back. Food started tasting good again tonight!! And tonight I fully expect to sleep well with the valerian, and i didn't have coffee at 10pm like the last 2 days.
I am so grateful to have inspiration. I am so grateful to have my friends and family. I am so grateful to have my wife and my music and my kitties and my HOME. I love my home so much. I am so grateful to have what I have. I am so grateful to have the body I have. I am so grateful to feel connected to the flow now more than ever.
I am so grateful to be getting back to the magick life! The perfect timing, the synchronicity, my path lighting up for me. Laughing with friends. Inspiration and good ideas. My REALITY WORSHIPPING ME WHILE I PLAY A SONG rather than constantly trying to control my reality.
SO grateful my reality worships me while I play my song. SO grateful to let go of trying to control! So grateful to feel good about myself finally! So grateful I caught it just in time! So grateful to be free! I have really ruined my taste for drugs. I don't ever want to be addicted to anything but caffeine and maybe weed ever again. ANd I could live without those things if I had to, it wouldn't be a depressing end of the world scenario.
I am so grateful to have this new perspective about how hard quitting certain things. I am so grateful to feel experienced. I am so grateful to have the best wife in the world! I am so grateful to feel so understood! I am so grateful for her patience! i am so grateful to live the magick life. I am so grateful to have perfect timing! I am so grateful we can pay the rent and bills! I am so grateful to have my health! I AM SO GRATEFUL MY WIFE IS ALIVE AND WELL. I am so grateful to live the life I do. I am so grateful to feel connected and back in the flow. I am so grateful to have everything I've ever needed.
Breathing in I love myself
Breathing out I don't give a fuck!
Breathing in I bring energy into my crown chakra
Breathing out I activate my crown chakra
Breathing in I bring energy into my third eye chakra
breathing out i activate my third eye chakra
breathing in i bring energy into my throat chakra
breathing out i activate my throat chakra
breathing in i bring energy into my heart chakra
breathing out i activate my heart chakra
breathing in i bring energy into my solar plexus chakra
breathing out i activate my solar plexus chakra
breathing in i bring energy into my root chakra
breathing out i activate my root chakra
thank you for the perfect timing, the magick life, the synchronicities, and the awareness that there is no where to go. thank you for the epiphanies and realizations. thank you for an entry back into presence! thank you for MAGICK LIFE! thank you for the psychedelic perspective!