12 -12 Portal

Jessica Mullen

12 -12 Portal

Jessica Mullen
Got my emails down to two.

Excited about the new tagline for the School: 👁 A curriculum in magick, manifesting and meditation.
If you believe your thoughts create your reality, these materials are for you. 💌

Listening to Bright Eyes and remembering walking in the snow through Urbana, Illinois my junior year of college.
So grateful to be back in my office, on my computer, listening to music, the laundry done, pizza for dinner. Done with cooking for a night.

Feeling like I reveal too much of myself but at the same time... IDGAF. Thanks for the likes. I miss you and we've only met once.

Can't believe I'm listening to BRight Eyes though.

I wish I could come up with more tweets.

I hope to come across some Narcan some day so I can start carrying it.

I wish I had more replyguys, and I wish I didn't have any reply guys.

I wish I would be lucid in my dreams more.

I wish to be a bestselling Micro author and to make enough to buy a house...

Not that I would buy a house.

I wish these headphones didn't give me a headache.
I wish I was inspired to make my next project.
I wish I would start writing my 2020 post.

But I'm getting hungry and unfocused. I counted to 6200 so far today. Thanks for the motivation, it's really helping.

I wish I could direct my dreams more... I'm reading a novel called The Anatomy of Dreams that Betty recommended. It's about lucid dreaming and I just Love it!

I wish A would visit.

I wish I worked out a little more... an eternal wish. I wish there was more space for handstands. I wish I would make more space for handstands. I wish I would play my guitar.

Okay okay let's do some reframing shall we?

I intend to play guitar!
I intend to make more space for handstands!
I intend to write this 2020 post! Friendly Singular Focus!
I intend to count!
I intend to make magick!

Last night for the 12:12am full moon on 12-12 the four of us wrote intentions and burned them in our new mortar and pestle from Coven. It was our first time using the little mortar, and it handled burning so well! It was a moment of magick that I'd been craving.

I intend to record my best meditation video yet!
I intend to stop thinking about what I don't have!
I intend to live the magick life!
I intend to make my best work!
I intend to be friendly!
I intend to have singular focus!
I intend to lighten up and have fun!

Wow Bright Eyes was such a Lil peep precursor.

I intend to love myself and not give a fuck! I intend to love myself the way I am!

Even though I have been drowning in thought since Sunday, I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself exactly the way I am.

Even though I am second guessing my communication, I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself.

Even though I feel a little uneasy I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself.

Even though I feel anxious, I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself.

Even though I am doing so much second guessing, I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself.

Even though this Bright Eyes is like beyond triggering I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself.

Even though I feel unfocused and tired, I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself!

Even though I feel like there is SO MUCH TO DO I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself!

Even though I feel like I'm cheating at sobriety because of kratom, I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself!

Even though this Bright Eyes is like... making me feel so inadequate, I still totally and completely love and accept and forgive myself!!!!!

Tonight I intend to relax. I intend to just be present!!! I intend to enjoy being. I intend to enjoy life. I intend to love myself. I intend to enjoy the night. I intend to relax and breathe unconsciously.

I intend to love yeah love. I intend to surrender my preferences. I intend to lighten up and have fun! I intend to celebrate how far I've come! I've come so far since the last time I listened to this! I was such a mess! I had ... over a decade before I'd even quit drinking!

Notes on being alcohol free for 3.86 years
- I never miss it anymore because I have kratom
- I occasionally feel relieved thinking I could have a drink if I really wanted one, but I never want one because it makes me feel bloated and nauseated.
- I don't really dream about alcohol anymore
- I almost never go out at night
- I've never been to a liquor store in Ohio
- I really don't miss it today but I think i really would if I didn't have kratom
- Kratom fills an adderall/alcohol void and I am very attached to it
- But wow kratom is keeping me sober as fuck
- I feel like I'm really making some headway in our business from being sober. Getting a lot done/
- I wonder if the kratom sucks some of my magick out though...
- Really really REALLY grateful to be sober

Wouldn't it be nice to have the best night of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to just love myself and not give a fuck? Wouldn't it be nice to stop thinking about it? Wouldn't it be nice to let it come to me? Wouldn't it be nice to just relax and BE HERE NOW?

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.
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