So Lucky to Have Me

Jessica Mullen

So Lucky to Have Me

Jessica Mullen
Thank you for the health and the wife and the kitties. Thank you for Cleveland. Thank you for the positive aspects of Cleveland like,
1. we can afford it
2. it has made us tougher
3. lots of good restaurants
4. the lake
5. train to the airport
6. walkable neighborhood
7. lots of libraries
8. museums
9. our friends like to visit
10. we have a great home
11. we can walk home from enterprise
12. diversity
13. medicaid
14. clinic on the corner with a good doctor
15. friendly person at rite aid pharmacy
16. franks
17. happy dog
18. guest bedroom
19. back yard
20. fertile land
21. west side market
22. campbells popcorn
23. lots of cyclists
24. planet fitness
25. mildish winter
26. have i mentioned affordable rent?
27. fireworks
28. lots of events
29. cirque at the stadium
30. beautiful autumn
31. accessible produce
32. happy kitties
33. driving distance to IL
34. that whole legal thing got cleaned up
35. have i mentioned the lake?
36. vegan food/restaurants

thank you for the perfect place to live. thank you for the perfect health. thank you for helping me feel deserving.

I deserve passive income. I deserve plenty of money. I deserve good health. I deserve a happy marriage. I deserve to feel good about myself. I deserve 1,000,000 subscribers. I deserve positive attention. I deserve peace of mind. I deserve the flow of well being. I deserve to feel good. I deserve to love myself. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to enjoy life. Everyone deserves to enjoy life.

I deserve constant payments and payouts. I deserve to feel good. I deserve to be appreciated.

I deserve to feel attractive. I deserve to BE attractive. I deserve infinite abundance. I deserve magick life. I deserve to feel powerful. I deserve to love myself. I deserve unconditional love. I deserve to feel good. I deserve to feel at peace with what is. I deserve to receive. I deserve gifts. I deserve donations. I deserve passive income.

I deserve passive income. I deserve passive income. I deserve passive income. I deserve passive income. I deserve passive income. I deserve reward. I deserve to live comfortably. I deserve to get what I want. I deserve to be loved. I deserve good health. I deserve nice things. I deserve to be respected and appreciated. I deserve respect.

Grateful to be here now. Grateful to let life live me. Grateful to have SO MUCH TIME AFFLUENCE. So grateful to be here now. So grateful to be thinking about what I want.

I want:
- inspiration
- the a/c in
- to know where to go
- to work out
- to feel good about myself
- to enjoy life today
- to feel deserving
- to feel the best i've ever felt
- to feel relieved
- to get a huge donation
- to feel compensated
- to feel like i'm doing the right thing
- to really believe i'm on the right path
- to make my best work
- to be loved and appreciated
- to serve the greatest good
- to leave the house and know where to go
- to feel grateful and loving
- to make my best work
- to know what to make
- follow through on this CoC
- follow through on this zine
- follow through on working out
- follow through

Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up and have fun! Wouldn't it be nice to feel better! Wouldn't it be nice to relax and enjoy the day! Wouldn't it be nice to put in the ac! Wouldn't it be nice to breathe consciously and count? Wouldn't it be nice to relax and enjoy? Wouldn't it be nice to love myself and not give a fuck? Wouldn't it be nice to have the best day of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to let go of my worries? Wouldn't it be nice to feel great? Wouldn't it be nice to feel good about myself today? Wouldn't it be nice to make my best work? Wouldn't it be nice to cool off? Wouldn't it be nice to feel fearless about biking?

Wouldn't it be nice if the seedlings worked out? Wouldn't it be nice if the mother came back? Wouldn't it be nice to COUNT!!

Counting is the only consistent forecaster of my mood. The days I stick to it and count starting first thing in the morning, usually when I brush my teeth--those days are great, focused days. And I keep it up for a few days and aim to count to 10,000 each day.

Then I start thinking a mantra/affirmation/mental code. I'm so focused that I follow through on the repetition. I am able to use a mantra and actually get results from it like manifestations and a good mood, and miracles. But then the miracle comes and I get lazy. It gets harder to focus on my mantra.

So then I have a few "bad" days. I'm unfocused, feel lazy and lethargic, and am prone to bad news. The contrast becomes so great that I ask Kelly how I can feel better. Invariably the answer comes back to either exercise or count. And I think counting is a path to exercise.

So today I am slow and unfocused, and I know the counting will bring my focus back. I can start any time. I can start now. And I will get a breath of fresh air, because I'm not suffocating myself with thoughts of "I don't want to do anything." "I feel lazy." "What the fuck is wrong with the world." And my favorite, "Humanity is a plague."

Lol.
Counting will pick you up and bring you back the focus you need to think the thoughts you want to think. Counting will let you breathe. Counting will give you a break. Counting will provide inspiration and new ideas. Counting will make you feel like you have your shit together. Because you're not constantly doubting and criticizing yourself in your head.

Start now. Count to 100.

123456780910
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
around 30 you doubt it's going to work
31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
around 40 you may remember you have a body and notice some queues.
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
At 50 you're starting to feel just better enough that maybe you don't need to count after all.
51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70
at 70 you're so close, why give up now?
71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90
At 90 you can feel your headache dissipating
91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

At 100 you've accomplished something. And that something is more valuable than any work-based task or plot to get money. You just gave yourself 100 moments that were not filled with worry, doubt, or other negative emotions. For 100 moments you gave yourself a break. And at 100 you could see the potential of doing more counting.

Keep going.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.
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