1000 Days Sober

1000 days sober

1000 Days Sober

1000 days sober
Alcohol used to be the biggest part of me. Today I am 1000 days, or 2.74 years sober. The cravings have mostly passed. Moving to a new city was hard at first, because I had a lot of fear that would have been neatly hidden away with a few shots of vodka. But time went on, and I relaxed into Cleveland, loving it more every day.

Kratom, cannabis and the occasional psychedelic still play a large role in my life. I never had a desire to be straightedge, and I would still drink if I thought I could stop at 1 or 2 (or even 3 or 4) drinks. But now when I think about drinking, it feels like drowning. If I can't enjoy my life sober, alcohol is never going to help.

My life is so calm now. I don't worry about money anymore. I get my work done without dragging my feet too much. I sleep as much as I want. It's pretty easy to maintain my weight. I remember everything. And when I go bowling or play poker with people who are drinking, I usually win!

I always include the caveat in these posts that I may drink again one day. Any time I say to Kelly, "I want a drink!" She says, "So have one then." I could have one. But it always helps to imagine the next 12 hours after that first drink. It's fun for two hours... then it's just sickness and regret.

I know alcohol doesn't have to equal sickness and regret, but that limiting belief helps me stay sober. It's easier to work with it than try to change it. I love alcohol too much. That total loss of control, the complete shutting down of my mind... it's delicious. But the consequences are just too high a price to pay.

So I am gradually learning how to shut down my mind on my own. And I guess I don't usually have much need to lose control. A lot of my sober time was spent mourning my wild fun self, but now my fun is just more subtle... I don't need parties and hard drugs to have fun. A little meditation and making my art is more fun than it ever used to be.

And that's the true reason why I stay sober, to make my art. I have things to say in my time here, and alcohol kept that stuff bottled up in me. I have books to write and videos to record and photos to take. I want to enjoy the creation as much as the creations.

I do wish my voice was bolder. But that's a wish I couldn't have had drunk. I wouldn't have had the awareness to know what my voice was. I want to express myself as fully as I can, and have as much fun doing it as possible. I want to transform my consciousness with my art. I want to quiet my mind with my art. I want to be wild and fun with my art. All the things alcohol did for me, I now substitute my art. This is my intention, my calling, and my savior. It's easier to keep my word now.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.
4 COMMENTS
  • Jessie Stewart

    Im so proud of you!

  • Jessica Mullen

    thank you so very much Jessie!

  • Stephani

    You rock. And you inspire me to always look within myself. Thank you so much
    .namaste.

  • Rickey

    I just found your blog after you have literally helped change my life from your YouTube videos. This is amazing to hear about your sobriety and all the best to you! Thank you SO much for all that you do for us! I wish you could know how your videos have changed my entire mindset! Blessed be 🌛🌝🌜

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