Just Wanting Things

Jessica Mullen

Just Wanting Things

Jessica Mullen
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive,
surrounded by rainbows and glittering wavy water shadows
If I had to choose my new name
the last name would be
Maybe the first name would be water too
Water can flow, or it can crash

I need some new music to get into so bad! I would love to write music... So happy and grateful to be writing music.

I am in the now right now in the stream of consciousness
Water water
I am water
I am listening to the words
I am taking on the words that I say
Words become flesh

I am so happy and grateful for the internet and for my selective attention and for jeans over leggins
I am grateful for people who inspire me to write poetry I am grateful for the peek into everyone else's life even if it's fake
It's all fake isn't it?

I am so grateful for meditation, that shit solves my life every time.
I am so grateful I can just choose to smile and then I feel better
I am so grateful I can choose to be in control of my vibration
I am so grateful I don't have to use punctuation if I don't want to

Dear Self
How Can I Feel great today
You can relax you can let go you can let it flow you can smile right now you can breathe you can drink water and you can relax
you can choose to relax that's all you can do just relax into this moment
even when everything seems boring and you need something to fill you up and make life feel good
just relax
just relax
just relax
That's all you can do

Dear Self
How can I let go of my irritations and feel more pleasure?!?!?!
You can relax and open up to receiving
You can relax and let it come to you
What do you want?
Fun and adventure and intrigue and romance and that falling in love feeling
I want depth and tripping and for my work to do itself
I want to get paid and feel good about myself and wear nice clothes
I want to be successful and I want to do the things I know I should do like work out and eat right
I want to focus my attention and make good use of my time. I want to create my best work. I want to feel better. I want to have more discipline. I want better headphones jesus! PLEASE SEND ME BETTER HEADPHONES.

What do I want?
TO float in the ocean. To let go of this incessant urge to get fucked up. To have more fun to be more fun to have a better attitude to listen to some music that isn't so fucking boring! PLEASE SEND ME SOME NEW GOOD ALBUMS!!!!!

I want to work on this week's I Love Mondays and feel really inspired and make it even better than last week. I just want to play music and hoop and meditate and go for a run. I just want to feel good. I just want to feel good. I'm here to feel good. I want to feel good.

I just want to order some kratom and
buy a bottle of vodka!
And then find some adderall
and have some friends over Oh My God do I miss my Austin friends in the estab
Wow didn't know how good I had it

I want to let go of those boring vodka thoughts and I want to be the observer of my thoughts and I want to be nice to myself and Kelly and I want to have fun with Kelly and feel like it used to when we would drink and drink and party.

I want to get wasted without the hangover or embarrassment, I want to meet up with people I miss like JPB. I want to feel better and I want to make my best work and I want my client work to do itself and I want to let go of my irritation and hate!

I want to feel pleasure like massages and orgasms and drugs. I want to feel like I'm a good family member and wife and house guest.

I want to get a new phone and I want life to be easy today. I want to dive headfirst into my work and just get it done. I want my path to light up for me.

I want to have tons of energy and eat well and enjoy my life and feel hot and sexy and wise and perfect. I want to feel in demand but not popular. I want to feel appreciated but not watered down. Water Water.

I want to feel good. I want to let go. I want to flow. I want to have so much energy! I want to lighten up and play and not worry! I want to have enough money to pay cash for a new house and car! I want to have SO MUCH MONEY!

I want to remember to love myself and I want to remember to be the observer and I Want to remember to count. I want to remember to choose to feel good. I want to just spend one day playing piano and the next day hooping or like
1 hour piano
1 hour hooping
1 hour filling orders
1 hour working on the SoLD site
3 hours on these 1 <3 Mondays and 1 hour working on my site And 1 hour on client work That sounds so good right? Oh and one hour working out please. I just want to feel organized and in love with myself and I want a new haircut and I want to dye my hair and I want to feel so sexy every day. I want to feel attractive and magickal and I want to make my best work and I want to feel attractive RIGHT NOW instead of having my hair in a bun under a beanie WTH I want to feel attractive right now and I want to feel good and well dressed even in the winter. I want to feel light and I want to feel motivated and I want to feel inspired and I want to feel free to spend my time any way I wish. In conclusion I want headphones and new music and a schedule and to do my work without resisting it I want to love myself and look and feel my best and make good decisions and get fucked up without the hangover! I want to go wild! I want some friends! I want to feel that coziness of having friends over for drinks and an art party and it's raining out but it's warm in here and we're all feeling so good and we never want the night to end! I want to reconcile my impulsiveness with my discipline I want to feel good about myself I want to remember to love myself I want to smile and laugh more I want to have the best day of my life! I want something to look forward to! I want to feel excited about life! Excited! Rebelling! Doing what I want! I want to love my life the way it is! I want to have fun! I want to get fucked up and go wild and have fun! I want to let go of my resistance and raise my vibration And feel better.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.