Prosperity Plan Day 7

Prosperity Plan Day 7

Prosperity Plan Day 7

Prosperity Plan Day 7
I have a case of the sneezes today so I'm not trying to make a lot of work for myself. So letting go and letting God seems like a great idea. I think I am allergic to the cold. I'm scared of the heating bill and scared of being without a car and scared of being alone with myself. I'm scared I won't be able to be happy if I can't get warm!

So here I am, letting go and letting God. I do trust the process of life and I do know I'm in the right place at the right time.

I played with "what's my next thought" and found myself thinking a lot about drawing and writing and how much I like seeing pen strokes on paper. The 2 cups of coffee and Sudafed started kicking in and life started seeming more interesting.

What's my next thought?
I like myself
I like Nicki Minaj
Computers are never good enough
I feel like slime
I'm freezing
I can't believe I consider Sudafed a drug
Where did my edge go
Why do I think I need to drink to have an edge?
I feel like I'm not as cool without that drunken IDGAF vibe
The anxiety was caused by alcohol. You didn't drink because you had anxiety.

I woke up this morning wanting a drink bc I saw this girl on facebook that I admire, and she was drinking a drink, looking all "Life sucks but I'm hot" through her blonde hair.

I want to bleach my hair again but now it's winter.
Plus my roots show how long I've been sober.
At least I have examples to remember why I'll probably never drink again.
It just can't be casual. I just dive headfirst.
Use something outside of myself to be my reason for feeling good, then I need it all the time. There is no sometimes-I'm-my-reason, sometimes I just need a glass a wine. I either need two bottles or I fucking meditate. It's pretty obvious. Once you know, you know.

I'm letting go and letting god. I'm letting go and letting god. I'm freezing. How are my hands going to survive this?
A lot of my fear of the cold is for superficial reasons.
My hands will get chapped. My nails will get brittle. My hair will be staticky.

Texas taught me how to be a natural beauty queen. The girls down there are so beautiful, and they just grow up like that. They get their nails done and their hair done and they go to beauty appointments. But their nails never see snow. Their hair never lives next to a constant blowing furnace.

I'm scared.
I'm scared.
I'm scared.
I'm scared to die up here lol.
I'm scared of the cold. I ADAPTED SO WELL TO THE HEAT!!!
I'm scared of being cold. The cold makes me drink!
And I thought to myself, how the fuck else can I keep warm in the winter if I don't drink?! WORK OUT?!?!?!?! And my ego is like, yeah that's an awesome idea. Get cut over the winter.
But I don't believe in myself enough to think that every time I'm too cold I'm going to fucking work out...
I'm scared of sliding backwards. I'm scared of losing who I became in Austin. I was so perfect. Finally got my fitness down to a routine I could let run in the background. I got so comfortable in a swim suit. I embraced my body hair. I walked in the sun all day. I was a goddess.

I'm just afraid the goddess qualities I cultivated in Texas won't last the winter. Like the poor rosemary plants we brought from Austin. We were trying to grow bushes of rosemary. Last night it was 42ยบ. Did it even survive the night?

I feel like crying for all the death that's about to go down. I guess I do always say "die to live". It's like I'm here to toughen up, remember my intelligence. Life isn't all about swimming and working out and being in the sun and having nice nails.

Dear universe, I am open to solutions. I am letting go and letting god. I am praying for a warm house that I can afford the heat bill for. I am praying for income so I feel less trapped.

Again with the trapped by lack of money! I AM NOT TRAPPED BY LACK OF MONEY. Because if I were to do something FOR money, I would be trapped by that activity. Trapping myself so I don't feel trapped by money. Instead, trapped by the thing that brings the money.

I'd rather be free.

What's my next thought?
I'm scared. I came here feeling so free, so much surrender. I want that back. The weather was nice then. I need to stop tying my well being to the weather.
What's my next thought?
I feel relaxed finally. The Sudafed mostly stopped the sneezing. I look forward to having colds/allergy attacks so I can take Sudafed. The closest thing to meth I'll hopefully ever get to.
What's my next thought?
I miss my parents. I miss my dad.
What's my next thought?
I miss my siblings. I miss Joy.
What's my next thought?
I just want to be reminded by someone that life isn't serious. I want someone to show me the light. Can someone else please be light for me?? Please??
What's my next thought?
It's 1:11. What's my wish? I wish to feel better about the winter. I wish to stop making it into such a big deal!
What's my next thought?
I have to sneeze.
I must be gross to be around right now.
I need to be nicer to myself.
I love myself.
Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are.
I didn't appreciate what I had growing up.
I didn't appreciate nice things.
What's my next thought?
I wonder if I've hit 1000 words yet.
I want to leave.
I want to be in the sun.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.