I get so mad at my hoop
TEACH ME THINGS! I want to scream,
Like how astrojax felt on that one new year's on acid, how it talked to my body so effortlessly

And yet it is not the hoop not teaching me
it is me leaving the TextEdit window to start pandora
but then I don't want to listen to something with words
bc writing

so I distract myself over and over
today I discovered how much i actually think
it's so much
it's all the time

but every day i become more conscious and i explore my mantras and once in a great while i place my singular focus upon my breath and
HOLY SHIT
there is a whole other dimension there
there is a world
beyond thought
beyond words

there is a world that i was introduced to with entheogens
and yes i did see god
so many times
the first trip, "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME? I HAD NO IDEA"

i am addicted to opening my mind
i am compelled to see how deep life can get
drugs took me there
(but you know religion
then meditation
took you first)
i can get there with my own breath now
meditation
and exercise
and mantras
and hoops!

oh yeah back to the hoop

so i try to remind myself, making awkward hoop video after awkward hoop video, that i should just play with the hoop
just be there with the hoop

that trip with the astrojax taught me that the flow toy
is an extension of self
it's alive
you can make it come alive
like real live magic
it's like this extension of your pineal gland
a black light, spinal looking energy that comes the fuck AWAKE in your hands

i looked at my cat after seeing this energy crawl down his arms, thought about how she was organic matter, a single expression of the flow, a dance that will come to an end

this energy
it was the thing animating the dance
the thing that came to play
the spirit
alone
by itself

personified/drawn out by astrojax and visual trails

so i ask my hoop
please tell me something
please teach my body

because i realize how painfully out of the present i am
every time i get present for one second i think "ok..."
then try to rationalize/explain/figure out how i was able to be present for that second

you think about it and you lose it
it
can't be
thought
about

so i want to go back to my breath but then what do i say
i remember i must do simran (repeat a mantra over and over forever)
but they are all words
i remember reading about someone's (david cain?) technique for being present on a walk home
NO WORDS

just be without words

so i remember i can feel my breath on the tip of my nose
but i have to do that with my eyes closed

OK AND THANK YOU THAT IS WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR
i will try hooping with my eyes closed
and feel my breath go in and out at a single point on my nostril

i asked for the hoop to tell me something

and it did

magick is flowing through me today