What Was Your Name Again?

What Was Your Name Again?

Cam

Every so often I remember to say
I love myself
and I remember it is the truth

Just like every so often I remember
whatever it was that I remembered but forget

Oh yeah it takes writing it, look at it, to see if it is the truth sometimes
bring it to light
bring it to like
just try it

just another remix
just another load
of laundry
of judging myself
spiraling spiraling

but i can choose to spiral up from right here
right here i am spiraling up i can go back up
better yet i can get off the roller coaster i can choose to be free of the ups and downs
i love the ups and downs

ask yourself what you want
then if you don't have it yet
ask, why wouldn't i want that?

i don't want to get off the roller coaster because it's fun
the thrills
you know it's safe
that shit's regulated
still there is some danger
i could forget to close my harness
i could decapitate someone with my legs that trespasses

am i ready to get off the roller coaster?
am i ready to be still and not bobbing my head up and down?

who cares
mantras don't work
counting doesn't work
what works is being at peace with what is
i am at peace with what is
i am ok with myself who i am what i am
i love myself the way i am
i love myself
i only have myself
it's all only a mirror
it can only reflect me
i love myself
everyone loves me
it's easy
i love myself
i am so loved
i am so blessed
i get to do whatever i want

the rollercoaster to get off of is the
self criticism
judgement
hatred
i hate myself and want to die type thoughts
as soon as you hear that shit...
back to "I love myself" it is
i love myself
i love my life
i love myself
i love my life

you gotta shift your own perspective
you gotta love your own life
be your own love
story
lifetime movie

i love myself
makes me see different things about myself
than i hate myself

i love myself
i love how i do whatever i want
i love how i watch
i love how i like to control
i love how i always get what i want
i love how i am so loved
i love how i put on my eyeliner
i love my cats and my home and my wife and my job and my friends and my family
i love myself
i love my life
i love my clothes
i love my hair
i LOVE my hair, for real
i love getting compliments
i love going to the grocery store

i love synchronicity
i love laughing
i love being included
i love never giving a fuck
i love spacing out
i love myself how i am
i love myself how i meditate every day
i love myself how i eat pizza 5 days a week
i love myself how i practice hooping every single day
i love myself how i am always waking up more and more
planning how to become "better"

but i can just say
i love myself
and be loved now
and let go
i love myself
i love myself
so fuck yall
i love myself so who cares?

i want to be rescued, asked, "are you ok?"
asked, "can i give you advice?"

but then i remember i can ask myself
i can give myself advice

i already know the answer i'm just fucking with you

it's just my mind
who knows what's my mind!
right now is my mind

but right now i love myself because i used my free will to choose to think
i love myself
instead of "i wonder if i'm doing something wrong. what am i doing wrong?"

what am i doing right?
kelly is doing laundry
i am eating pretty well
i am exercising every single day for fun and pleasure and joy
i am healthy
i am free of so many systems--cars and healthcare and institutions and...
lots of things
i always drink plenty of water
i am so kind
i am so considerate
i am practicing hooping every damn day and it is so fun, like a musical instrument, i always wished i would practice my damn guitar or piano but never felt like it
i always feel like hooping
it's so beautiful
i am doing that right for sure
i am keeping a clean, orderly, minimal home (with the help of my wife of course)
i am paying the rent every month. i pay every bill every month. i save money every month. i give gifts as often as i can.
i draw a lot. i make a lot of art, even if i judge it harshly. i am making art! all the time! every fucking day!
i am tan. by accident.
my triceps are wonderful. i am great at lunges. i work out that shit like twice a week man.
i LOVE TO EXERCISE. i fucking attempted to become a kickboxing instructor. the only sport i ever did was softball in 6th grade and gymnastics before 1st grade...
i am fit as fuck and have great endurance and can run 5 miles any time i want
i am better at jumping than i was 2 years ago
i have friends all over the place
i have the perfect wife
i love my work
i love my work
this is my work
i am doing this right, right now
right now, in this moment, i am doing everything right. because i am focused on what i love about myself, which only asks for more things to love.
i am focused on love.
i love myself. i am letting life be easy
i am letting myself create without worrying what others think
i am at peace with what is.
i am letting life live me
i can't fight myself
i am natural
i am one with life
i am at peace with what is
i love myself
it's so fun to be me!

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.
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