YOU ARE GOD IN HUMAN FORM! You can be or do or have anything you fancy! Trust this moment, embrace the contrast! What is your contrast???
I want to be my reason for feeling good instead of looking to things outside of me (coffee drugs food entertainment work friends etc) to make me feel better.
Breathe in and say I LOVE MYSELF
Breathe out and say Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are
You are just judging yourself. You can let go of your thoughts and judgements by returning to the now. Go back to "Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are."
That will rev you up to be a match to conscious breathing again, where you have access to feelings of confidence and power because you are feeling good about yourself, where you feel good just being alive.
Once you accept and love yourself the behaviors you judge will fall away anyway, because you love and accept yourself so there is no need to rebel or act out.
Jessica, I love and accept you exactly the way you are.
It's a pattern.
Duality / Separateness --> Judging self and world (creates contrast to inspire
Becoming one with self / the observer --> Practicing self-love (gives access to
Becoming one with reality --> Practicing conscious breathing (results in
Oneness / Divinity --> Absence of ego
Absence of ego generally leads to quantum leaps in perspective of self. Once the ego returns (we can't shut our minds off permanently, nor would we want to) and sees positive manifestations, it becomes attached to the manifestations and wants to take credit. This identification with manifestations again creates duality perspective, of "I am this who wants to hold onto that".
Holding on creates contrast, which creates pain. The pain can become so great that the individual is forced to crumble or rally, by practicing self-destruction or self-love.
After enough self-destruction the human experience seems set up to eventually realize self-love.
Once you love yourself, you can begin to love your reality, because you will begin to see that you are your reality.
Becoming one with reality tends to be a very in the Now situation, so there isn't much thought. An individual may choose to augment or assist this perspective with conscious breathing, a powerful method for being present. Placing the attention on the breath keeps the individual paying attention to the current moment.
A human may get so into the rhythm of breath that the ego completely falls away, resulting in a state of consciousness called divinity. It's where we sometimes go in meditation, or when we're holding onto a lover, or during extreme stress or exercise.
That state of pure joy and bliss releases so much resistance that positive manifestations rain down. We see that the manifestations are not what bring joy, it's the joy that brings manifestations. We feel no different when we get the big check, the phonecall, the new car, because we already felt the feeling of having those things before they could arrive.
Inevitably the ego gets involved, we start thinking about the manifestations, worrying, etc. And thus the cycle begins again. Surf the waves instead of getting sucked back under by going back to loving the self, to being at peace with what is, to embracing the contrast.