In response to my embarrassing coming out story, Jered Schue asked me what I'm going to do to change. What am I going to promise to myself? Obviously I got myself into this predicament, I can get myself out.
Budgeting? Not my style. Cutting up my credit cards? Tempting, but too complicated for me to even think about right now (although I still haven't used one since April 4. Huge deal.)
I let the question sit for days, and asked for the answer to come in meditation. I know that taking action isn't the answer, so it would have to be actions I could stop taking. Stop doing. Let go of.
It just came to me while meditating about half an hour ago. For 30 days, beginning Monday April 15, I'm going to rehab. Jessica Mullen's School of Life Design Rehab for Thought, Drug, Alcohol, and Credit Card Addicts.
1. Straightedge, baby!
Someone actually emailed me suggesting I "might go sober." My first thoughts: no way! Too simple! I like having fun! People who don't drink don't have any crazy stories!
Then she says "HOT DAMN it's so radical and lovely to be even caffeine free" and I know she's right. She reminds me of my therapist I loved so dearly.
Drugs have shown me so much, but I do want to get "there" naturally. I want ecstasy without the E. I want to feel one with the universe without DMT. I want to feel so proud of myself for being so brave without the mushrooms. I want to feel carefree and fun without the alcohol. I want to feel in awe of life without weed. I want to know the big picture while dead sober. That's true power.
2. 15 minutes of seated meditation every day, no excuses.
So... I took a few months off meditating because I was too busy having fun. Life got good, and I coasted. But as Kamal Ravikant talks about in Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, you still have to do the work when you feel good. That's what keeps the good times rolling.
This is an easy habit to get back into. Meditating is fun and exquisitely rewarding.
3. Eat vegetarian. Eeeease back into vegan.
I just stopped caring. I had too many drunken cheeseburgers to eat. But I know I feel better when I'm not eating flesh.
4. Say "I love myself" to myself all day, every day.
Everything else is way too stressful to think about right now.
5. Take my own advice.
Mainly I want to do my own worksheets every day because they work so well. In a perfect world, I would do a Daily Planner, a Daily Self Love, a Gathering Momentum, a Universal Order Form, a Life Story, a Flower of Life Design Template, and a Practice the Feeling of Abundance worksheet every day. Well fuck it then, I'll print out a 30 day supply, make little packets for each day, and see where it takes me. I commit.
This is a killer experiment. I didn't even ask Kelly if she wants to do it with me yet. I have to commit before telling anyone or I'll care too much what they think. I gotta do what I gotta do. I'm doing me.
But first, I'm going to have to finish this bottle of vodka. Cheers!