Grateful to not give a fuck.
Grateful for reflections that remind me nothing is serious.
Grateful to be sober.
Grateful I spent some time outside.
Grateful to have a wonderful wife.
Grateful to be perfectly healthy.
Grateful to be fun. Grateful to be in love. Grateful to know my power.
Grateful it's all working out. Grateful for the flow. Grateful for hoops. Grateful I can let go. Grateful to do the work. Grateful to make decisions to feel good.
And now I will create my catalog of meaning:
"Start by cataloguing five of the highest points in your life — the times you’ve felt the best. What were you doing, what did you experience, how did these affect your outlook? Most importantly: What qualities did you embody that enabled these experiences?"
- Meeting Kelly. I was teaching. I was excited. I was having so much fun. I was confident. I had a boyfriend. I needed nothing. I wasn't expecting it. I was somewhat at ease, taking challenges and experiencing new things. My openness to new experiences enabled this. My love of having fun enabled this. My joy at going hard and being the wildest enabled this.
- Meeting Kristy. I had just learned how to enjoy being. I was happy just existing. Then things got real. Being the wildest. Being willing to try new things and have fun.
- Dating D. I was freelancing. I was learning how to play the game well. I let it come to me. I didn't care too much. I pwned. And I got a deep connection I had longed for. I won. Being the wildest.
- I finished grad school when I really wanted to give up. I was smart. I knew what I was talking about. I was healthy. I was focused. I thought I knew what I was doing. Being the wildest in the form of discipline. Marathon, last semester of grad school, raw vegan diet. Extreme.
- I started grad school and massively got my shit together. Lost weight, found a reason to live, met friends, went wild on the Internet. I found myself on the Internet. Wildest on the Internet.
- (one more for fun) Taking A the day before new years with Stan & Kel. Seeing the meaning of life in Astrojax. Fuck yeah. That experience alone reminds me everything is all good. And the follow trip around my birthday. The meaning of life was just coming at me from every angle.
"Catalog five of the low points in your life — the worst of the worst. What did you get out of these, and how did you came out better? How were you able to make the most out of these? Most important: What qualities did you embody that got you through these?"
- Getting caught shoplifting. BEcause I'm wild. I realized I need to take responsibility for my actions. I felt so stupid.
- Bulimia. Getting caught barfing in the shower. Because I'm extreme. I needed something to reflect my inner guilt. I manifested a problem so I could have problems. I learned nothing is serious and I can get through anything. And eating disorders are funny.
- Wanting to kill myself, repeatedly. Because I got too caught in my thoughts and got all psycho. Drank too much. Got too sloppy. Cared about what others thought. I learned that I'm not afraid of death. At all.
- Getting hit by a car and fucking up my knee. Because I didn't want to trust the flow. I was angry at the flow. It taught me to be present and make due with what I have. I'm happy with what I have.
- Getting arrested for a PI. Drank too much. Too lonely. Too psycho. I learned to not get too drunk alone in public. That's a good one.
So my best traits = being wild and having fun. I'm also very good at connecting intimately with others and focusing on creative achievement.
Lesson from this exercise: be wild and don't give a fuck.