On my birthday I got tired and threw a tantrum like a toddler. I am so used to feeling good all the time, that when I went without sleep for too long I started losing my focus and ability to control my thoughts. This pissed me off so much, because it was my birthday! And I wanted to milk the shit out of my birthday! I couldn't just GO TO SLEEP!
I had a freakout and started crying hysterically, feeling painfully lonely. Because if we are all one, and I feel bad, then that means everything feels bad and how am I ever going to feel better if there is only me and I feel bad?
What I know
I took a nap and Kelly comforted me, asking me to tell her what I know. This is a great exercise to use when you feel negative emotion and don't know how to get out of it. It's a method of working your way up the emotional scale with your thoughts.
The exercise has worked for us many times in the past, so I was willing to try. The following is a paraphrase of what I said:
I know I want to drink vodka.
I know I feel bad.
I know I feel lonely.
I know I feel depressed and sad.
I know that I have a choice of how to feel.
I know that I'm choosing to feel this way.
I know that I am choosing to stay this way.
I know that I want to feel better.
I know I want to feel love.
I know that I'm so tired of directing my thoughts.
I know that I don't have to do what anyone else wants me to.
I want to feel loved and I know that all I have to do to feel love is give it but I DON'T WANT TO!
I know I can choose to go to sleep and feel better.
I know that it feels better to go see my sister than it does to wallow at home in this bad mood.
Then I was feeling better enough to get out of bed and go hang out with my sister. From the moment I walked in the door to see her and my good friend Betty, I felt such enormous relief. They gave me gifts and cards and vodka and I was so touched I couldn't help crying.
I chose to do the work to feel better, and the universe rewarded me for it. I thought about what I wanted and what felt the best to do. By following my emotional guidance system, I was able to get back into the flow of the universe and watch my life unfold magickally again, like it's supposed to. I got out of the way.
By choosing to follow my emotions and do what felt the best, the universe gave me everything I asked for: vodka, feeling better, and feeling LOVED. I realized at my sister's place that I have so much love stored up vibrationally that the universe keeps bringing me good things even when I have a "temporary out-of-the-vortex moment."
Whenever I find myself in a bad mood, or out of alignment with source energy/flow/the divine pulse of life, all I have to do is listen to my emotions and I can jump right back in the flow. It only takes one conscious decision to find thoughts that feel better. It can be hard, hard work. But when I got out of my funk the relief and love I felt was equal to the despair I felt just an hour earlier.
There is no loneliness in love
Our physical reality is a result of old thought patterns. And I've been spending a lot of time having thoughts of love. Now when I find myself temporarily in a terrible mood, I know that my physical reality is still in the process of manifesting all my loving thoughts. I am loved by my own vibration.
I can always choose to allow the universe to flow through me. When I connect to that flow, I weave magick through my life. I hypnotize, travel between alternate states and dream worlds, and learn more about the meaning of life constantly.
We connect to the flow of well being with love. When we love, we feel joy, and knowing. Love is the reason we are here. Love is the most basic concept, or unit of knowledge that we have. We all know how to love. And that's the only thing we need to know.
Everything always unfolds perfectly. Just tune yourself to the flow and enjoy the ride. Love is your connection to source. That which created you and all the worlds before you. That which breathes life into you. That which we are all made of. That which makes us one.
The flow of well being is the source of all relief. There is comfort in the ecstasy of life unfolding. Your emotions guide you to merging with this unfolding by telling you what feels good (allowing the flow) and what feels bad (blocking the flow). When you follow what feels good, you allow yourself to be one with the universe. And when you are one with the universe, life feels as magickal as it truly is.