Why you don’t have to feel self-conscious about being positive

Take the leap!

Why you don’t have to feel self-conscious about being…

Take the leap!
thanks John Tracy!

Do you ever feel self-conscious about "being positive"? Do you fear others will judge you for "being happy for no reason"? Do you worry that if you fully commit to releasing negative thought, it won't pay off and people will say "I told you so"?

Worrying about what other people think means you don't love yourself enough to trust your inner guidance. If you are concerned people will think you're foolish for choosing thoughts that feel good, then it's only because you think you are foolish. And if you think you're being foolish for choosing to feel good over feeling bad, then you're not loving yourself - because following what you know feels good to you is how you love yourself.

Start feeling good about choosing to feel good!

Life is a mirror. The more positive you are, the more positive your interactions are. The more you give, the more you receive. The more you love yourself, the more you are loved. It's the law of attraction.

You lead by your powerful example. When you choose to feel good above all else, no one will judge you. They will want to be around you more because you make them feel so good! Positive vibrations are contagious, and when the people around you feel how happy you are, they'll want to know your secret.

Whatever you believe is true. If you believe thinking positively just isn't going to help you, then you're right. If you think it is going to help, then it will! All you have to do is make the leap of faith and believe that your higher self will guide you. Believe in yourself and release all the magick you've pent up inside! It's there if you look, I promise!

By committing to a life of joy, you are choosing to feel happy before you get the "things" that you think will make you happy. Isn't that a good deal? Think about how fucked up it is for others to think you're silly for deciding to be happy right now, as you are. Why shouldn't you be? You're a beautiful, perfect human being and you deserve nothing but love and happiness. Choosing to feel good right now, instead of waiting until just that one thing changes, is how to start living a life you love now.

Jessica Mullen
Living the magick life.
  • Anonymous

    Hi… Sorry I have to post as anonymous. I’m really into thinking positively and the law of attraction, but my boyfriend isn’t. He tends to dwell on negative things, and as a result, frankly a lot of negative things happen to him. I’ve encouraged him to think more positively, and it seems to be working a little bit. But I’m afraid to show him The Secret or anything because I don’t want him to think I’m crazy. He’s an atheist and he doesn’t believe in a lot of spiritual things. I’ve already taken some flak from my skeptical friends for using the Law of Attraction, even though I know it works.

    When it comes to my friends, I just shrug and think “it’s their loss”, but I really love my boyfriend and I know if he just tried it, it would be great for him. Maybe you could write an article about how to deal with this? I bet there are others who have this problem… Thank you and sorry if this is a weird thing to ask.

  • jessica mullen

    Hey anonymous, thanks for the question! :]

    Thinking that your boyfriend will think you’re crazy if you show him The Secret is only an indicator of your own vibration. Some part of you doesn’t believe all the way – because otherwise you wouldn’t care about what he thinks.

    You cannot vibrate for anyone else, meaning you cannot make anyone feel any differently than they do. It’s not your vibration, so it’s not your problem. The only vibration that should concern you is your own.

    When you spend time worrying about what your boyfriend is thinking, you are being a lazy thinker. You are giving yourself permission to have negative thoughts, thinking that it’s not you who’s doing it – it’s him. But all things in your experience are your responsibility and a direct result of your own thoughts.

    When Kelly feels like I don’t give her enough attention, she feels lonely. Then she realizes that what she actually wants is to give more attention to her self. When she feels like I’m not giving her enough love, it’s because she’s not giving herself enough love.

    When she does something that annoys me, it is me that’s annoying myself. I choose to feel annoyed. The annoying action I project onto her is a result of me doing or thinking something that annoys myself.

    If you really want your relationship to work out, you have to let it go. You have to trust that the universe will provide for you. But you have to do your part – feeling good no matter what. And that means releasing the negative thoughts you think about your boyfriend.

    Think about all the stuff you love about him instead! He will have no choice but to respond with love.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you so much :’) . Your reply helped me a lot :)

  • Erin

    Awesome article! I’ve been practicing this type of thinking for a while but still get hung up sometimes because of exactly this. I can feel overly sensitive to others’ moods, making me feel self-conscious or even guilty for showing happiness. ie “How dare YOU be all smiley when I can’t even figure out why I’m sad??” or “Can you not see how much you should be worried about everything? If you’re still smiling, you must be stupid.”

    Focusing instead on positive friends, my own positive vibe or the things I love about life really help. It seems like human nature to lose sight of this every so often, and this post has some good tools for validating/reinforcing that yes, each of us DOES have the right to choose happiness.

    And @Anonymous ~ never feel weird about being curious or self-aware! I think that shows a lot of strength, plus it got Jessica to write an awesome little freebie side-article for us. ;)

  • jessica mullen

    Hey Erin! It makes me so happy to read your comments. It’s allllmost like hanging out :] When we visit IL in the spring (or fall) can we pleeease meet up?! :D

    Anyway, thanks for your feedback – I feel exactly the way you do sometimes. Or I used to I suppose – I’ve learned that feeling guilty is one of the most useless emotions ever! But that was my LIFE for so many years – I couldn’t feel good unless everyone around me felt good, ESPECIALLY my boyfriend or best friend, etc.

    It’s just so cool to know that when you focus on being happy yourself, you uplift the not-so-happies around you. So instead of coming down the emotional scale to their level (which doesn’t help them AT ALL), you stay up in joy/passion/whatever and then the person wants to meet you up there!

    We do have the right to choose happiness! I read somewhere about how that’s what they meant in the constitution – we have the right to choose to feel good (as opposed to having the right to material objects or something… I should find that quote!)

    <3 xo <3 xo!

  • Samantha April

    Hi Jessica!

    I discovered your site through Gala Darling and am totally digging your work! And I have a question…

    I have been working on positive thinking and major life changes for a while now, ever my mum passed away a few years ago. Now I’m well on my way, but the person I have the most trouble with is my Dad!

    I care a lot about him and want him to be happy, and I know he’s having a lot of trouble. I want to help him, but I’m afraid if I talk directly about positive thinking, etc, he’ll just be cynical and think its goofy. He’s also a very argumentative person, and unpleasant just to be around!

    I want to give him love and understanding, but every time I see him my patience falls apart and I just get angry and get sucked into arguing with him. I’m not sure what to do. Any advice?


  • Corrine/Frock & Roll

    GREAT article, Jessica :)

  • Rhiiannon Dwyer

    Love the article Jessica!!

    Samantha – I was going to respond to you but it was turning into a comment of doom … would you mind if I used your comment as a starter for an article on my blog? Random I know – but I think I was where you are about a year ago & would love to help!


  • jessica mullen

    Hey Samantha! I can’t wait to hear Rhiiannon’s advice, but here’s what Kelly and I think about it…

    You can try to stay away from your dad for a while until you get your vibration high enough so that the next time you see him, you can stay in your “vortex”.

    He doesn’t need you to tell him about positive thinking. He’ll probably only think it’s a good idea if it’s his own idea. He’s on his own path and will come to it in time.

    You have to let go of your awareness that he’s grouchy all the time – that’s why if you stay away from him for a while, you can practice all the good things you want to feel about him. Write lists of his positive aspects. When you focus on his positive aspects and let your awareness of any negative aspects fade into the background, they truly will disappear.

    The best thing you can do is take care of your own mood. And if you can’t keep yourself in a good mood around him, then just stay away until you can. Once you practice -staying- in a good mood while thinking about him, then your next interaction will be that much better.

    And of course, when you focus on feeling good yourself, you’ll be leading by example. You will be a good influence on your dad just by nature of your good mood. People like to be around others who feel good, because vibration (while not visible or audible) is perceptible and contagious.

  • Samantha April

    Thanks so much, Jessica and Kelly!

    And absolutely yes to you, Rhiiannon, I’d love to see what you have to say as well!


  • Rhiiannon Dwyer

    okay, so it got even longer, sorry – hope you like reading!

    here it is – http://www.rhiiannondwyer.com/post/3421371103

  • Erin

    Aww, I’m glad my comments aren’t too long, lol! It makes me happy to see your site taking off a bit more every day! OF COURSE we should meet up!! I had no idea you guys had a trip planned or that you’d have time to — yayyyyyyyy!

    YEAH, that is 100% what I am working on right now re:guilt. It’s a very hard thing to try to rewire in the mind! I was raised to either be motivated into action via extreme stress, or feel guilty that isn’t actively the case. It’s taken me a long time to realize that the period of rest is not only something that shouldn’t feel guilty… it’s something that is CRUCIAL or I will shut down. I’m shocked every time it sneaks up on me again, because it still happens from time to time — and in the end I reach the same verdict you do: useless! :)

    I run into some snags when I can’t get others to “meet me up there” like you said. I agree 100% that it should work this way (and usually does) but there are some people in my life who just get angrier the longer I do that. I’m still very curious what the root cause (and solution) there would be, since it seems the only option then is go to “okay, well I care about my health so call me back when you won’t poison me with this”. I feel bad doing that, because I care about the person, but I also care about me and I can see that what you said is true — joining them won’t help either of us. :/ I’d be curious about your thoughts on this if you ever need writing material! ;)

    I am curious about that quote now as well — that’s interesting and makes a lot of sense! Seems many people think they are evolving through material gain, only to realize in the end they’ve gotten lost and need to rediscover that basic truth. So glad to know like-minded, positive people like you, AND to see them building sites that will just bring more and more of us together!

    I cannot WAIT to see you girls!! :D
    <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xo!!

  • jessica mullen

    Hi again miss Erin :D
    I love what you said ” I was raised to either be motivated into action via extreme stress, or feel guilty that isn’t actively the case. ” – that is how so many of us are raised and it’s crazy! So debilitating!

    Thanks for the writing material suggestion. I think that the most important thing to remember is that it’s YOUR vibration creating the situation – so if there are still people who are angry, then there is still something in your vibration that is angry. It can be hard to figure it all out but taking responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens in my reality seems to help me work through things the fastest.

    I’ll keep you posted on the road trip! SO EXCITED!

  • Erin

    Yeah, exactly! I worked with a lot of kids over the summer and it’s pretty shocking how early they learn that type of unhealthy thinking. On the other hand, it was beautiful watching how they sometimes are the only people with the clarity and words to snap an adult right out of that mentality like the flip of a switch. :)

    And good suggestions about the anger thing — Thanks! I have at least noticed that if I just let their negativity sort of just bounce off me & try to see it as something that’s not so personal, I don’t end up feeling so hurt… which addresses some of the anger I’d normally feel about it. I like your way of describing it, and that makes a lot of sense. These are hard things to practice but so worth it, and very interesting to think about!

    re:Road trip… YAY! Please do! x)

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