I'm so grateful for everything I learned in 2010. I'm so grateful it was the year my life completely changed for the better. It was the year I took control of my thoughts and experience. It was the year I took responsibility for the direction of my life. It was the year that I learned the big universal joke. It was the year I got "it".
I'm so grateful we went to the toy store to look for toys yesterday. I was desperate to find some Astrojax (amazon affiliate link). Like, as desperate as a 8 year old obsessed with getting a certain new toy. It was all I could think about, literally.
I'm so grateful I didn't find the Astrojax, because I learned so so much about desire and the law of attraction. I needed them too badly. I couldn't live without them. I was vibrating a feeling of lack, so they had no choice but to not come.
Eventually I chose to live in the moment and appreciate toy shopping. Kelly and I trawled through Toys R Us and Spencer's looking for exciting toys. I am so grateful we spent new year's eve looking at toys. Looking for fun. Looking for the feeling of Christmas morning.
I'm so grateful my new thing is to find something to make every day feel like Christmas morning. Tomorrow we're going to get something special at Planet K. We ordered some Astrojax online, they'll come on Monday or Tuesday and that will feel like Christmas morning.
I'm so grateful I understand flow. I'm so grateful I understand movement. I'm so grateful for what I learned on Thursday. I'm so grateful for my friends. I'm so grateful for the feeling I got that I will strive to replicate every day for the rest of my life. It was the feeling of complete, orgasmic flow. I didn't know there would be this next level. I didn't know it would be this good. I didn't know life could get that much better, in the moment
I am so grateful for the new feeling I found. I'm so grateful for the new understanding I have. I'm so grateful to understand physics better. I'm so grateful for my confidence. I'm so grateful I know I can get that feeling back. I'm so grateful I get it. I'm so grateful "it" can't be expressed any more simply. At least I can't, not yet. It, it, it, it, it. I get it. I saw it. I witnessed it. I talked about it. I breathed it. I felt it. I know it.
I'm so grateful life is only going to get more exciting. I'm so grateful I know I can flow in every moment. I'm so grateful I know how to practice the feeling now. I'm so grateful I understand the feeling. I'm so grateful I made so many connections. I understand why I saw Dawn. She gets "it". I'm so grateful I get it. I'm so grateful. So grateful. It makes life so much better. Faith really does pay off. It pays off the moment you understand that your thoughts really do create. And you can see it, live it in real time.
I'm so grateful walking is the simplest way humans can get into flow. The movement of our legs is exactly perfect. It's flow. Our hips are the flo, our feet the ebb. I'm so grateful for the elaborate, complex understanding I have now.
I'm so grateful I made my own Astrojax yesterday. I told you I was obsessed. I couldn't find them in a single toy store in Austin, and it was frustrating. Like, to the point of tears. I can't even explain to you the feeling. It was like being 8 years old and wanting something so bad and trying to push and push and push and just pushing the thing I wanted farther away from me by having a tantrum. I learned so much about my thoughts but I failed to apply the lesson to my behavior the very next day. I tried to push things around in physical. I tried to make things happen. I tried to force it.
So we meditated in the parking lot of Walmart. I needed it so bad. And the idea came to me to make my own Astrojax with beads. So when we got home I began right away. Working on making my own set was the only way I could quiet my thoughts about the damn things. It wasn't easy to make them. It took a lot of iterations. But it was the only thing in the world I wanted to be doing. It was meditative. It was calming. It felt like a pacifier. It was natural. It was the next logical step.
I used three wooden beads, weighted with metal skull beads, wrapped in electrical tape. The cord is leather. They are actually pretty sexy for their homemade-ness. Now I understand a lot about the construction. I understand how they work. I've been playing with them since last night. I feel like playing with them constantly.
Here is why Astrojax are the best toy in the universe: they are a visual replica of your thoughts. When you play with them in the flow, you can do anything with them. Make the most beautiful shapes. Do elaborate moves. See tracers everywhere. It's the feeling of active meditation. When you play with them and you have negative thoughts, you immediately tie them into knots. Immediately. There is no question about it - if you're distracted or worrying about what someone else thinks, you will fuck up your jax. And untying them can be a bitch. But what is so cool about untying them is that it is still enjoyable. Because it's like untangling the thoughts that fucked them up. If you can let go of your negative thoughts, you can make the knot disappear. Nearly instantly.
I am so grateful for this toy which has taught me how the universe works. It taught me how particles flow, and how my thoughts influence particles. It's that serious. My life is irrevocably changed for the better. I am so grateful. So grateful for the calm they bring me. The knowing. The understanding. The flow.
Today I intend to look for the flow in every moment. Today I intend to remember the feeling. Today I intend to direct my thoughts. Today I intend to let go of more. Today I intend to appreciate the feeling of wanting and expecting. Today I intend to think more about the feeling of Christmas morning. Today I intend to feel flow. Today I intend to feel love.
What does flow feel like? It feels like knowing the next logical step, always. It feels like seeing and understanding the way the universe works. It feels like getting "it". It feels like unconditional love. It feels like a waking lucid dream. It feels like excitement. It feels better than an orgasm. It can be much longer. It feels like life is full of awesome surprises. It feels like mental sex.
Wouldn't it be nice to find the perfect thing to do tonight? Wouldn't it be nice to feel flow in every moment? Wouldn't it be nice to go to that bridge party? Wouldn't it be nice to meditate? Wouldn't it be nice to have fun? Wouldn't it be nice to find more flow toys? Wouldn't it be nice to feel love?
I love flow. I am obsessed with flow. I love "it". I am obsessed with remembering the feeling of getting "it". I love the feeling of Christmas morning. I love finding things that can make me feel like I'm tripping without drugs. I love the concept of mixing gymnastics and jewelry making. I love listening to good electronic music. I love when my thoughts are so in alignment they time my environment perfectly. I love finding the direct correlation between my thoughts and my experience. I love feeling good. I love that all of my choosing to feel good lead me here. I love that I am here now, in an entirely new space. Thinking entirely new thoughts. I love that all I had to do was believe it and it came, and it was better than I could have imagined. I love that I can feel this creature, "it", crawling through my brain right now. I love remembering the visualization. I love thinking about Michael's tattoo. I love that Astrojax create a pet that is "it". I love that "it" is an extension of me. I love that I love it so much because it's a physical manifestation of my energy. I love that I am a vibrational match for such deep revelations. I love that I know what I'm doing. I love thinking and feeling, thinking and feeling. I love that I know the feeling I'm looking for now. I love that I get it. OMFG I love it. I love it. I love. I love. I love.
I want more, please.
Message from Clair
The first time you truly feel flow will change you forever, but it's like any other new good feeling that you hadn't previously imagined. There will always be new levels to reach, new ways to perceive flow. New ways to love life. You will get better at feeling good. Feeling good is only the beginning. When feeling good is as natural as breathing, life moves faster, but not in a way you can't handle. Things smooth out. You feel control. At first it can be almost sickening, the depth of the realizations you will find. Like Christmas morning made your little brother throw up with excitement. It seems too good to be true. It feels so good, the relief you feel will wash over you like a tsunami. You can never go back from this. But you will always have this, and there is always more. It is endless, and it flows. And you can jump in at any time.